Little things from Wednesday and Thursday

Wednesday

Li Ya fell down today and started to cry.  Mi Na felt bad and offered Li Ya her Sleeping Beauty baby doll, which she previously denied her on the ride home from preschool.  I said to Li Ya, "Li Ya, that was so nice of Mi Na, can you give her a hug?"  Li Ya gave her a hug.  It was beautiful.

Stephen reported that he finished his Wednesday night homework on the bus ride to school.  Steve had sent him on the bus with all the materials he needed to complete his assignment.  I love his eagerness.

This afternoon, I complimented Mei Li on her outfit: a white and gray striped t-shirt, emerald green leggings with a dog print, and a hot pink knit twirly skirt.  In response, she twisted her legs back and forth so her skirt swished, and then she giggled a little.

Mei Li rushed through her piano practice so she could go play outside.   Her piano-playing profile included a large bird's nest on the back of her head, the result of two days of complete hair neglect.  I wonder if I am the only mother to let that happen regularly.  Sigh.

Thursday

This morning, I witnessed Li Ya feeding her pretzel sticks to Mi Na.  I love watching their relationship develop.

Around bed time, I walked into Stephen and Mi Na's room to find the older three kids playing something together.  Mi Na was wearing Mei Li's bright pink polka-dot pajamas, which are humongous on her.  She was jumping up and down and dancing in front of the window singing, "Welcome to our party!" in kind of a low husky voice.  Then she said, "Mom! Do you want to come to our girl party?  I mean, boy and girl party?"  Poor Stephen really gets roped into a lot of girl play.  He handles it well, and I think he'll make a terrific husband.

Charlotte's Web was the book of choice for Mei Li and Stephen tonight.  Gosh I love that book.  I read it slowly and with my best character voices, which aren't that great at all.  Mei Li rested her head on my shoulder while I read.  Stephen sat on the other side of me, leaning on my arm.  Heaven.

Dear Li Ya

Dear Li Ya,

You're turning four months old next week and I'm a little sad about it.  These first few months with you have been heavenly.  I will miss the newborn you.

You wake up from sleep so hungry and angry. But somehow, when I set you down for your diaper change, you look up at me, put aside your hunger, and smile.  Then, when I bring you close for a feeding, you start snorting like a panicky piglet anticipating its breakfast.  It's the most perfect snort in the world.

You are the easiest smiler.  All anyone has to do for a smile is look at you and a smile starts to form, small and closed-mouthed at first and then big and open. Your cheeks are especially kissable then, and my kisses only make you smile bigger.  You are pure sunshine.

You slept through the night around six weeks old, and mothering four children became much less daunting from that point on.  Thank you for that.  However, you stopped sleeping through the night around ten weeks.  I anticipated that.  Mi Na did the same thing.  It was a pretty rough adjustment to go from a full night's sleep to being woken up four or five times each night.  Again.  You've settled back into waking just once a night, which is doable.

People like to comment on your eyes.  Two perfect almond shapes, so big in comparison to your little nose and mouth, except when you smile and your mouth gets so big that your eyes disappear. You look like all of your siblings, but still different.  

I love how you bring your hands together at the center of your chest, like you're praying.   I can't remember any of your siblings doing that.  

You take an early evening nap most days.  It helps a lot when I'm putting your siblings to bed.  And when it's just you and me, we stare at each other, exchanging smiles and coos.  Your cooing is the most heavenly sound.  You're gifted for sure. :)  

Thank you for coming to us, Li Ya.  It is an honor to be your mother.  

Love,
Mom

Let's take the long way home.

Today was a beautifully warm and sunny day.   I decided to walk Stephen to preschool to enjoy the weather and get some exercise.  Mi Na would just skip her nap today.

It's 1.7 miles to Stephen's preschool.  He walked half of the way there and then sat in the back of the stroller the rest of the way.  He's much too big for the stroller, but it worked.  Mi Na sat in front and I had Li Ya in the wrap on my chest.

On the way back, I tried to find the trail route home.  We first stopped at a tot lot so I could feed Li Ya, and Mi Na could play.  Mi Na asked me for lots of underdogs on the swing and she got dirty running around in the wet mulch.

She collected lots of pine needles and showed them proudly to me.  When she and Li Ya wore their hats, she called Li Ya "cowboy Li Ya" and herself "cowboy Mi Na" in her best cowboy accent.

We left the park and found the trail home.  I fully intended to walk straight to our house.  We crossed a bridge over a small stream and Mi Na asked to get out so she could see the water.  At first I said no because I needed to hurry home, but then I realized that I didn't need to hurry home.  Mei Li would have after school art, which meant that we didn't need to be home for a couple more hours.  I let her out of the stroller so she could walk.  She threw her pine needles into the stream and then collected sticks and rocks to throw in there too.

I knew there would be more to see so I started moving on and she ran after me with a huge smile on her face.  She grabbed my hand and I noticed that her hand could only wrap around two of my fingers.  She's still so little, though it doesn't seem like it with a baby around.

We continued on the trail until we met the stream again.  She grabbed mud and rocks and threw them into the water.

I started to go, thinking she would follow, but she did not want to leave that spot.  She came eventually, grabbed my pinky and ring fingers, and walked happily on, noticing every bird, tree, leaf, stick, and sound on her way.  She looked like she was in heaven, so of course, I dreamed about living somewhere wide and open.

We passed a fenced backyard containing a barking dog.  Mi Na called the fence "branch" and said, "The dog is stuck in the branch! He needs us!"  She walked right over to the fence, fully expecting to rescue this dog.  She said to the dog, "Here's the problem, doggie. You're stuck in the branch."  I hurried her along when I heard the owner call for the dog.

We crossed one more stream that she had to stop at.  She threw everything she could find in it and I'm convinced she could have done that for three hours straight without food and water.

She hopped in the stroller when I needed to cross a busy street and we went straight home from there.  Li Ya slept soundly on my chest for almost that whole time.  I loved my slow and easy time with Mi Na today.  I used to have slow and easy times like this when I just had Mei Li and Stephen.

 Since Li Ya's birth, I've felt a little crazy.  Not today.  I just felt really, really good.  Hurry up, spring!  Cure my crazy!

Here's a picture of Li Ya from today:

I think she's really cute.

The Year of the Sunshine-Maker

I love fresh starts.  2012 for us was beastly and amazing.  There were too many hospital trips and expensive repairs, but Li Ya's birth changed everything into wonderful.  She is such a great and perfect addition to our family.

On the first Monday of 2013, we sat down for Family Home Evening and discussed three family goals for the year.  Mei Li came up with "no arguing."  We've since renamed the goal "be peacemakers."  Stephen came up with "keep the house clean everyday."  I have given up the dream of a clean house everyday.  I am happy if the house is clean at least once a week.  We renamed his goal "be happy helpers."  The third goal is to read the scriptures as a family daily.  We actually did a fairly good job of this in 2012, but there is always room for improvement.

In the late winter and early spring of 2012, I listened to the unabridged Little Women with my children while driving in the car.  Since I didn't drive very much, it took a while for us to finish it.  I loved all of it.  Marmee is my hero.  Everything she said was golden.  My favorite thing she said was to Meg when Meg was a busy young mother of twins.  "Go out more; keep cheerful as well as busy, --for you are the sunshine-maker of the family, and if you get dismal there is no fair weather."  I felt so comforted that I wasn't the only young mother to struggle with gloominess, even if that other mother is fictional.  So much of our family's success in achieving our goals depends on me.  My kids will have a hard time being peacemakers if I'm not peaceful.  They won't be happy helpers if I don't happily help them.

So far in 2013, I think we've done a good job of being more peaceful and helpful. I've tried to incorporate chore-time into our routine so they know what to expect and do it without complaint.  I've also done a better job of getting out of the house to have fun instead of just doing errands

Steve's tax season is upon us now.  Dinner and bed time without Steve is a circus.  At one point tonight, I was upstairs reading Mi Na her book, Li Ya was screaming in her bed, and Stephen was asking me to wipe his bum downstairs.   I'm sure every mother can relate in some way.  I can't meet everybody's needs at the same time, so I feel like I'm constantly asking for their patience.  I hope they don't resent that.  I eventually did put Mi Na to bed, wipe Stephen's bum, and feed Li Ya.  It's nice that Mei Li is pretty independent.

Throughout the day, I make sure to express gratitude for the small tender mercies from the Lord that lighten my load.  For example,  I love it when Li Ya burps soon after feeding, especially when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere.  I'm grateful when the milk carton isn't too full so Mei Li can pour it herself.  I'm grateful for breaks in the cold weather so I can go on walks and play at the park.

At the end of my life, I'm pretty positive that I will regard this stage as one of the sweetest.  All of our kids are here under one roof.  We are a complete family everyday.  We are so very blessed.  2013 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.

Baby.

I figure now that my baby is two weeks old, I should probably write down her birth story.

This is the last picture I have of myself pregnant (the arm sock is covering up my PICC line).  I was 37 weeks and one day pregnant and was in the hospital for my infection.  After nine failed rounds of oral antibiotics, one failed round of IM injections, my doctor decided that it would be best for me to go to the hospital to be treated with IV antibiotics on 10/16.  

I was there for four nights, much longer than I anticipated.  I was surprised at how little rest I got and how little I enjoyed being by myself for that long, even with a good book to read and Sudoku puzzles to solve.  I was poked everyday, woken up several times each night, woken up each time I tried to nap, and then I got my PICC line.  It was a simple procedure that didn't hurt much, but I cried like a baby before, during, and after it.

My favorite times in the hospital were of course when Steve and the kids visited me.  The visits were always short.  It didn't take long for Mi Na to figure out some way to make mischief.  My daily field trip to labor and delivery for my non-stress test was also a highlight.  It meant that I got to be outside in the sunshine for just a minute and it felt glorious each time.  I also looked forward to every meal, not because the food was good (in fact, my medication made everything taste like metal), but because an Indian woman named Mina brought it to me.  She soon learned how much I loved chocolate and would bring me some even if I didn't order it.  I loved getting to know her.  

I went home (10/20) with my PICC line so I could treat myself at home.  I was to give myself IV antibiotics everyday until I delivered the baby because it's likely that being pregnant was the cause of all the trouble. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait too long.

On Tuesday morning (10/23), I got checked at my midwife appointment and was at 3+ cm.  After that appointment, I started having contractions.  They were close together (2 to 4 minutes apart), but not regular.  These contractions lasted for hours.  So I went back to my midwife practice to get checked again, and I was still at 3+ cm.  You'd think that by baby #4, I'd know if I was in labor or not, but it's always been tricky for me.  So I went home, disappointed, but the contractions lasted through the rest of the day and night.    Normal life didn't stop just because I was having contractions, but I did have help from Wendy and Saige, who helped get Stephen to and from preschool and Mei Li to and from ballet.

On Wednesday, my contractions were more regular and much stronger.  I spent the morning cleaning up our bedroom.  It had been cluttered for months.  Around 11:30 AM, I called the midwives to let them know I was going to come in to get checked again, but I had to hurry to get there before their lunch break.  I was unable to find someone to take the kids right then so I decided I would take them with me.  Stephen, however, didn't like that plan.  Being in labor is kind of a big deal, but Stephen didn't seem to think so.  We were too late to make it before lunch. So, I just waited for Steve to come home and took my antibiotics.  Steve came home, Wendy picked Stephen up for preschool, and then Steve, Mi Na and I went to the midwife office.

The midwife who checked me has been delivering babies since 1981.  I often refer to her as "the wise woman."  I love her.  She said I was at 5+ cm and that I would be having this baby tonight.  I loved her even more after that.

So then we made arrangements for our kids.  Wendy would pick Stephen up from preschool and look after him.  We would leave Mi Na with Saige, and then she would pick Mei Li up from school.  Steve asked his sister, Christine, to drive in from West Virginia so she could stay with the kids overnight.

Steve dropped me off at the hospital, dropped Mi Na off at Saige's, and picked up a few things from home.  I loved all of the midwives and would have been happy to have any of them deliver my baby.  Paula was on call that day, along with the midwife intern, Shannon.  I probably saw them more than the others and they were very proactive when I was in the hospital the week before.  They did their best to get me out of there sooner rather than later.

After sitting on the hospital bed being monitored for a while, my contractions became much stronger, but I made little progress.  The midwives talked to me about breaking my water, which is something I didn't originally want.  But, I wasn't feeling very patient. I considered getting an epidural before they broke my water.  

Steve and I walked around for a while to talk about it.  I decided it was okay for them to break my water, but I wasn't going to get an epidural.  I knew what was ahead of me and I wasn't scared (yet).  I was actually more scared of needles.  I had had too many of those from the week before.  I'm grateful for modern medicine, but I want as little to do with it as possible.

After our walk, I was at 7 cm.  They broke my water and we walked around some more.  The contractions were painless for a while.  They asked us to come back in because the wireless monitors weren't working where we were walking.  So I walked around in the delivery room and when the contractions became so painful, I got in the tub for some pain relief.  I had never tried the tub before, but it was amazing how it lessened my pain by about 50 percent.  I stayed in there for a while and I handled each contraction pretty silently.  As the contractions worsened, I started to cry.

I got out of the tub to get checked again.  Still 7 cm, but much more effaced.  I labored the rest of the time on the hospital bed.  Steve rubbed my arm, which did nothing to lessen the pain, but it was still so comforting.  I could never go through labor without him.   I tried to relax and that helped, but there are just some contractions that are beyond relaxation techniques.  I remember telling Steve, "This sucks!"  "I NEVER want to do this again!"  Can you imagine what things might have flown out of my mouth if I wasn't Mormon?

I don't really remember the timing of everything, but after several of those excruciatingly painful contractions, I was ready to push.  I don't remember how long I pushed, but it was the worst.  "I can't do this!" I screamed.  Steve assured me that I could.  (Sound familiar?)  I thrashed around a bit, rebelling against the next contraction.  I felt out of control and so mad at the pain, but I pushed anyway.  After all, that was the only way out of this mess.  Just when the pain couldn't get any worse, the baby was out and the pain went away.  And everything was perfect.

The midwife placed her on my chest right away.  There she was, a full head of dark hair and chubby cheeks like Stephen, fresh from heaven.  Steve and I didn't really talk.  We just stared at her, listened to her cry, and basked in the newness of life, in that feeling of being so close to heaven.  There is nothing like it.  It is so amazing every single time.

After a while, Steve cut the cord and she was briefly whisked away to get cleaned up.

She weighed in at 7 lbs. 5 oz., measured 19 inches long.

I love this picture.  Her cheeks are amazing!

After she got cleaned up, I nursed her for the first time and she did great on her first try.  It's amazing how they come out knowing exactly what to do.  

Saige dropped the kids off at the hospital.  It was almost 10 PM.  Stephen said, "I want to see her!"  Mei Li said, "Aww, she's so cute!  The first thing that came out of Mi Na's mouth was "Can I touch it?"  She wanted to climb right on top of me to snatch her baby sister, but Steve gently put Mi Na next to me and unwrapped her feet so Mi Na could touch them.  Right away, Mi Na performed "this little piggy" on her baby sister's tiny toes.  My heart melted into a giant puddle of love.  

Mi Na hadn't napped, so she pretty quickly had a melt-down when we put limits on how much she could touch the baby.  Pictures would not happen that night.  Christine made it to our house so Steve just took the kids home, put them to bed, and came back to be with me.  It was such a luxury to have him there for the first night, so we could have some alone time with our new nameless baby girl.  Thank you for that, Christine.

Christine and the kids came by the next day to see the still nameless little baby.  Mi Na asked again, "Can I touch it?"  She was all over that baby, getting in her face and poking her eyes.  Mei Li held her baby sister for the first time.  Stephen was not super enthusiastic, but he seemed to like her well enough.  We took a few pictures and then Steve took the kids home.  She remained nameless through the rest of that day.

Family of six!

I stayed the extra night at the hospital as instructed, and in the morning, we had to finally choose a name.  There was a name that I loved this whole pregnancy, and we were pretty sure we would end up using it. Steve liked it enough and it had a special meaning.  Steve gave his okay on Friday morning to use that name, so I wrote it down on the birth certificate form.  I crossed it out a minute later.

As much as I loved that name, it wasn't her name.  I looked at her and looked at her.  She opened her eyes wide and they stayed open for an unusually long time.  It was during that time that her name came to me. "Li Ya."  It was a name that I had mentioned to Steve before, but never seriously considered.  It means beauty and grace.  When Steve came to pick me up, we discussed her name again. Steve loved it.  Never mind that I call her "Mi Na" at least three times a day.

I'm so grateful Li Ya came to us.  I'm so grateful to have such a kind and gentle man as my husband and father of my children. I'm so grateful that we have the power to create life!  I'm so grateful for my body's ability sustain this new life.   It's easy to get overwhelmed by all the responsibility that comes with having four children, but the Lord will help us. We can do this.  I dare say that we'll even be good at it.  Life is so beautiful.

Back to School Part 2

(Clearly, Mi Na's excited for his first day too.)

Stephen had his first day of pre-k yesterday.  He was pretty grumpy the whole morning.  He had expressed before that he didn't want to go to preschool, so I wondered how this day would go.   We did some morning errands, ate lunch, and then off we went to drop him off.  

He gave me a hug and a kiss and walked into his classroom like a champ.  I was so relieved.  Stephen likes stability, and he's been concerned about having a new teacher and new classmates.  I'm grateful that he felt comfortable there.

When I picked him up, he was smiling.  His teacher told me, "Smart as a whip, that boy," in her New York accent.  I really like her.  

Thinking about him walking onto a school bus next fall makes me grateful that he's still in preschool and that he's still my buddy at home.  I'm sure I'll be even more grateful that when he turns 18, he'll still have almost his whole senior year ahead of him instead of his freshman year of college.  

I'm not sure what that says about me.  I do love this stage of my life, even with (or especially because of) all the craziness and noise.  I know I'm not doing it perfectly, and perhaps I want to slow things down so I can have more time to get it right, whatever "right" is.  But I know that twenty years from now I will not be able to think back on this stage of life without smiling or laughing.  Life is good and relatively simple right now.  

On a side note, it's fall tax season!  Only six more days left!  I was wicked today and complained quite a bit to my hard-working husband.  I think it's worth noting, though, that I held back the complaints until six days before the end.  Maybe I'll be able to make it through all of spring busy season without any complaining.  I'm working on it.

Thursday

We were on time to preschool for the first time in 2012.  But I was late for visiting teaching.  I'm not punctual, and I'm ashamed of it.  So far 2012 looks like my least punctual year yet, though I hope to improve.

I took my girls back home for snacks and some last minute before-school prep.  I drove, rather quickly, to Mei Li's school to avoid another tardy slip.  We were on time, barely.

When I arrived at Stephen's classroom to pick him up, he was in the middle of singing "five little monkeys swinging in the tree."  His back was slightly turned to me so he couldn't see me.  I could see his right cheek that exposed a dimple every now and again, particularly when the alligator "snapped that monkey right out of that tree."  I waited there, holding Mi Na, loving every second of his happy performance.  It struck me then how very little he still is.  How could I possibly be frustrated at his occasional disobedience when he still loves to sing such songs?

When the song ended, his teacher told him that I was there.  He turned and gave me a big, dimply smile.  He ran to me and hugged me.

The rest of the afternoon went smoothly.  We ate lunch, I put Mi Na down for her nap, Stephen and I did a reading lesson together, and he watched a show while I cleaned the house and listened to Cutting for Stone.

The last couple of days, Stephen has wanted to wear his Christmas fuzzy pajamas in the afternoon, which is so funny and a little inconvenient because it means that he has to change into his normal clothes before we pick up Mei Li from the bus stop.  So when it was time to go, he changed into his street clothes, put on his shoes, motorcycle gloves, motorcycle helmet, and "spaceman" jacket, which reminds him of a motorcycle jacket.  It was quite the process.  We walked/rode to the bus stop.  The moms at the bus stop think Stephen is cute.

Mei Li got off the bus and, as usual, said that school was great.  Mei Li and Stephen rode their bikes to the library, while I pushed Mi Na in the stroller behind them.  I checked out a lot of readers for Mei and a few others that the kids randomly chose and piled on top of my stroller.  The journey home was much colder and more exhausting than the journey to the library.  The kids almost gave up one block from our house, which is always the risk when riding instead of driving.  Thankfully, they listened when I told them they'd be warmer sooner if they would ride faster.

The kids went inside the house while I put the stroller back into our car.  I told Mei Li to help Mi Na get her hat and jacket off.  I was so pleased when I heard Mei Li say, "Stephen, you get her hat and I'll get her jacket."  I looked, and sure enough, they were working as a little team.  I love my little team.

I made spaghetti for dinner, and some bacon.  My kids like bacon A LOT.  Mei Li and Stephen exchanged jokes during dinner, which reminds me of my favorite new trick of Mi Na's.  She can tell a knock-knock joke, thanks to her older siblings.  

Mi Na: Knock knock!

Me: Who's there?

Mi Na: Boo!

Me: Boo who?

And that's as far as she gets.  But she expects laughing and applause every time, and you better believe that we all enthusiastically give it to her.

I put Stephen and Mi Na to bed, and then read with Mei Li from her readers.  After a couple of readers, we practiced sight words.  She hates practicing sight words, but tonight I gave her the incentive of one Little Women chapter for each time she reviewed a list.  Tonight she earned three chapters.  We read about the girls first becoming friends with Laurie.  Then I sobbed through the chapter where Mr. Laurence gives his thanks to Beth for his slippers in the form of a piano.  Mei Li told me not to cry, but I just can't help it during that part!  Then we read about Amy's shame with the pickled limes.  Poor girl.

I found a very condensed picture-book version of Little Women at a thrift store several months ago and I brought it home to read to Mei.  After that, of course, she was eager to know all about the March girls.  When I started reading the real version to her this week, she said, "Mom, I'm making the pictures in my head," which of course everyone does, but I imagine hers are particularly colorful.  

Anyway, I put her to bed just before Steve arrived, which meant that she did not go to bed for a little while longer.  It's tax season, so I don't really mind if Mei stays up until 10 PM to spend a little time with her dad.  

I need to go spend some time with Steve now.  It was a wonderful day and I wanted to remember it in detail.  Good night.

A memory with Stephen

On November 30, I took Stephen to his four year checkup. He knew he would need shots, but surprisingly, he didn't protest much about it beforehand.  When the time for poking came, he sat on the table, and I held his upper body close to my chest.

The nurse gave him two shots in the right arm.  Then he looked up at me with wide eyes, biting his lower lip that was pointing downward, trying to stop the tears that were clearly forming in his eyes.  Oh it just broke my heart! At this very moment, the memory brings tears to my own eyes.

Before the two other shots in the left arm, he tried slowly moving his arm away, but the nurse told him to keep it still.  So he did.  After the last two pokes were done and over with, he buried his face in my chest and let loose all of the sobs that he was holding in. We stayed there, holding each other for what seemed like a very long time.  I felt so bad for him, but was so proud of him for being brave.  And, I am happy that he found comfort in his mother's arms.

Baby Guy

If you've read this blog for a while, you'd know that we called Stephen "Baby Guy" until he was about two and a half.   We don't call him that anymore.  His cheeks used to be so huge and everyone loved them.  He's still got a little bit in his cheeks, but he's even losing that slowly.  

Tuesday was Stephen's first day of preschool.  The night before, Steve gave Stephen a father's blessing, just as he did for Mei Li when she went off to kindergarten and the couple years before that when she went to preschool.  It's a beautiful tradition, among other important things, and I'm grateful that Steve worthily holds the priesthood to give such blessings.

Stephen expressed once that morning that he didn't want to go to preschool.  But we all got ready and went.  I parked and the four of us walked in together.  We dropped him off at his classroom.  My heart swelled with pride as he put his backpack in the bucket, gave me a hug and kiss, and confidently and happily walked into his class.  There were no tears from me.  I didn't cry when Mei Li went to preschool, but there is always a pang with every change.   Oh, how I love that boy!


Then it was just the girls at home for a couple of hours.  I put Mi Na down for a nap, helped Mei Li with reading, cleaned, and put dinner in the crockpot.  It was amazingly quiet.  Quiet is good sometimes. 

I sent Mei Li off to school and then rushed over to pick Stephen up from preschool.  He was smiling when he came out of his classroom.  I asked, "How was preschool, bud?"  He responded, "It was SO much fun."  He told me about playing inside and about playing outside, but didn't remember anything else.  I was so happy to hear that he loved it.   These kids are just growing up, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  I'm glad they're doing a good job of it, though.  They make their mother awfully proud.

9/11 thoughts

*photo by Taunya Allen*

 I cleaned the house top to bottom today in preparation for the Sabbath tomorrow.  Tomorrow is 9/11.  I've been reminding myself all week, but just remembered again about half an hour ago as we watched BYU lose to Texas, which made me all mad and emotional.  Steve, a big football fan, once told me that he didn't think God could answer my "please let BYU win" prayers and that He didn't really care who won.  I suppose he's right.  Since all the players are children of God, how could He favor one team over another? 

I do think though, that God cared very much about what happened on September 11, 2001.  I believe He was terribly sad watching His children suffer at the hands of His other children.  But, like a good parent, He lets each child make his/her own choices.  And like a good parent, He comforted those who needed comfort and heard all the prayers uttered that day.  I know that.

I remember that day well.  I was a college freshman.  My roommate, Julie, and I were sleeping.  Julie woke to her phone ringing.  It was her mother calling her to tell her the news.  Julie woke me up and we watched the events replayed in the Deseret Towers T-Hall basement.  It was full of teary-eyed freshmen girls.  We all prayed together through our tears.  And like a good parent, He did comfort us.

Ten years later, I'm a wife and a mother of three.  I'm so sad when my children fight.  I wish sometimes I could force them to do what's right and protect them from all the ills of the world.  But I can't.  I teach them about God everyday, and I know that one day, one or all of them could choose to forget everything I taught them.  And I would be terribly sad.  

I also know that what I teach them matters.  I know that my constant reminders to "be kind" and my frequent singing of "Love One Another" at bed time, matter.  Someday, they are going to face the decision to get angry or forgive, to gossip or speak kind words, to be selfish or selfless.  One or all of them might remember their mother telling them to "be kind" and they would choose forgiveness, kindness, and selflessness.  And I would be so proud and so happy. 

Most likely, all of them will do both. 

So you see, I have quite a responsibility here, and unlike my Heavenly Father, I am imperfect.  I'm pretty sad about that, mostly for my children's sake.  Fortunately, my perfect parent loves to help me when I'm trying to do what's right.  I asked Him a question about one of my children recently.   The answer that came to me was both obvious and surprising.  It was this, "teach them how to serve."  I've asked many times since, "How exactly should I do that?"  The answer is pretty simple, and unfortunately, relies completely on the example of two imperfect parents.

So perhaps it's appropriate, as we embark on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, that I resolve to do a better job of loving and serving my brothers and sisters on the earth.  I think it's the only way to teach my children to do the same.   Maybe we should all do it together. 

So familiar

This morning, I took the kids to the Asian market nearby to buy some produce.  Each time I go there, I think of my mother.

 

She used to take me to Asian markets when I was a little girl.  And I seem to remember being the only child of the six there for many of the trips.  So in that sense, my experience today didn't seem very familiar.  I was there with two kids in the car cart and one child strapped to me.  

 

The smells are exactly the same: fishy.  It smells horrible.  I could never go there if I was pregnant.  But even the smells make me smile.  My kids held their noses.  I certainly did the same when I was little.

 

My shopping trip with my mom usually ended with a treat like Chocolate Yan Yan or Pocky sticks.  Chocolate Yan Yan was my favorite.  But now that I know what hydrogenated oils are, my kids don't get those.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss, you know?  My poor, deprived children. (Okay, sometimes they get lollipops.  High fructose corn syrup is far less criminal in my opinion.)

I do remember feeling like my mother and I blended in with everyone else there.  We were all Asian.  And when I go to the market now, I still feel like I blend in, even though the Asian in me and my children has been watered down a little (with some wonderfully sweet water).  Sometimes, I want to tell the clerk, "I'm Chinese, you know," just to make sure she knows that I belong there.

 

Mom was a busy working woman, which make her efforts to spend some one-on-one time with her fourth child even more impressive.  Of course, I couldn't fully appreciate the planning and intention of that mother-daughter time until I became a mother of a few children myself.

 

 I was probably seven years old when I wrote and illustrated a little book about going shopping with my mom at "AI HOA."  Clearly it meant something to me.  Clearly she loved me.  And clearly, those hydrogenated oils did some good.

A conversation with Mei

Around Mei Li's birthday, Mei Li and I had this conversation:

Me: I can't believe how fast you're growing up.

Mei Li: I can't wait to grow up and be a mom.

(I was slightly disappointed that despite my best efforts to give her a happy and fun childhood, she still couldn't wait to grow up.  So I came up with a reason why she shouldn't be in such a hurry.)

Me: Just so you know, when you're a mom you're going to have to do a lot of cleaning.

Mei Li: I don't care about that.  Moms are the coolest.

I may never hear that again.

A new best friend

Steve's in Boston.  He comes back tonight, but Stephen has found a replacement best friend in Steve's absence.

Stephen's bribe arrived at our doorstep yesterday.  It was a brand new Buzz Lightyear with talking abilities, a laser, and pop-out wings.  Stephen received this as a reward for wearing his goggles during the last swim session.

I tried to bribe him two swim sessions ago (great parenting, right?).  He told me he wanted a Buzz with a laser, but then when the time came to put on the goggles, he said he didn't want a Buzz (?!!!!).

I tried again.  It worked.  He wore his goggles even though he didn't want to.  He no longer flailed about in the pool and his swimming improved.  I was on the hook for a FIFTY-DOLLAR TOY!!!!

Stephen waited a whole week after the swim session ended for Buzz.  His anticipation grew and when he finally got his hands on Buzz, he exploded with excitement.  He played with Buzz all afternoon and all evening.  He said goodnight to Buzz and gave him a hug before bed and carefully put him away in the toy bin.

This morning, I learned that Buzz was worth much more than fifty bucks.  I woke up to Mi Na's screaming and was surprised that Stephen wasn't the one to wake me up.  I checked his bed and saw that he was gone. Then I heard him playing around in the basement with Buzz.  I'm not sure how much extra sleep I got, but I'm grateful for it.  I wonder how long the excitement will last.

A Big Day

 Ears pierced.

First father and son camp out.

I really am thrilled for Stephen.  He's been looking forward to the camp out all week.  I feel a little sad about such permanent decisions as ear piercings.  Even though I could take those earrings out now and let those holes close, it wouldn't change the fact that I took her to Claire's and let somebody poke holes through her perfect ears.

I felt the same way about cutting all of my babies' hair for the first time.  When I trimmed Mi Na's bangs a few months ago, I instantly regretted it and cried.  They didn't curl the way they used to and there was no going back.  I suppose there's a name for my disorder.  Mei Li and Stephen are certainly happy to be growing up.  I will be too.  I just need a day or so to get used to all of it.

Mother's Day 2011

I had a great Mother's Day thanks to my wonderful family.  Never mind the fact that I heard "I quit Mother's Day!" a couple of times from Stephen, once five minutes after he woke up, and once in front of the congregation.  Stephen should never go to bed at 10 PM.  Why haven't we learned our lesson about that?

There were pink roses on my bed when I woke up, I heard many "I love you"s, received many hugs, had French Toast with homemade whipped cream and fresh berries for dinner at my request, and I believe Steve is working hard to finish his handwritten love note as we speak.  I am blessed to be the mother of sweet children and the wife of a good man.  Thank you for making this a special day.

I've been thinking about my own mother all day, and how much I love her.  My love and admiration grows for her each year.  I've told you about her cooking abilities, but the most amazing thing about my mother is her love for others.

I've learned that while my mother works on teeth, she simultaneously builds friendships.  When she's cooking a feast, she is serving the people she loves.  When she's on vacation, she makes friends with all kinds of strangers.

Our modest home in California has an open door to all the ward members, all of my mother's patients, and anyone else who stands in need of a good meal and some good company.  So many have come to a knowledge of the gospel because of my mother's friendship.

Of all the things I am grateful that my mother is, I'm most grateful for her example of loving others, no matter who they are.  Thank you for all you do, Mom.  I sure love you.

What can I say about today?

I can say that it was not great.

I can also say there was a long list of crimes committed by a boy.

This boy?


Yes, this boy.


Hand vacuum contents all over new couch. Marker on the carpet. Purposeful splattering of yogurt on self, table, chairs, and floor. Purposeful spilling of water on basement couch. Not to mention three potty accidents, but I realize that I should not get upset at a three-year old for such things because they are, after all, just accidents.

When it comes down to it, I know it was all my fault. I was not engaged and attentive the way I usually am. I was distracted and determined to do all the laundry, put clean sheets on beds, clean the whole house, and sand railing spindles. Laundry and cleaning can't always be neglected, but spindles? Get with the program, Ie Li.

After Steve got home and we sat down at the table together, Mei Li asked me why I looked sad. I told her that I was tired. Mei Li and Stephen then proceeded to make silly faces and asked if that made me feel better. It did make me feel better. I especially loved the face where Stephen smooshed his cheeks in to make a fish face.

It reminded instantly of his huge baby cheeks. Sometimes I miss that baby. I also knew that I would miss this energetic, loud, funny, trouble-maker three-year-old someday.

Stephen and I made up by the end of the day. While Steve and Mei were on their daddy-daughter date, we snuggled and I gave him a lullaby concert. I sang him song after song after song. He requested the song "Baptism" three times. We talked about baptism after the third time singing about it and I asked him:

"Do you know who's going to baptize you, Stephen?"

Then Stephen's eyes got wide and he whispered intensely, "John" (as in John the Baptist).

I laughed and said, "no, you silly, Dad's going to baptize you. When you're eight."

"Oh." Then he laughed and smiled and sucked his fingers (some things haven't changed).

There were happy notes from today:

Stephen and Mei Li painted pictures for their art gallery.

Stephen put on a really funny dancing show for us.

While Mi Na and Stephen napped, Mei Li and I read books together and she practiced reading words herself.

We tickled and snuggled with Mi Na.

Mei went on her first daddy-daughter date with ice cream AND hot chocolate and she came home grinning and twirly. She's so big now. I couldn't help but scoop her up and hold her for a little while.


Stephen got out of his bed when they got home. So Steve read to them and it was cute.


Here's to an engaged and attentive tomorrow!

Wednesday night-Thursday morning

Steve and I went to bed late Wednesday night after working out and cleaning up.

An hour after we hit the hay, Stephen and Mei Li walked into our bedroom and wanted to sleep in our bed. We told them no, but I guess they didn't hear us because they climbed into our bed anyway. Steve doesn't sleep well with kids in his bed so I suggested that he get into Stephen's bed. Stephen thought he needed directions so he said, "Dad, my bed is in my bedroom over there."

So it was just Mei, Stephen, and me just lying in my bed, not sleeping. And Steve was all alone in Stephen's bed. This was not right at all! So I told the kids to get back in their beds. And surprisingly, they both sprung up and went back into their room. I heard Stephen say, "Dad, your bed's over there. Thanks for making my bed warm."

But then, Stephen knocked on our door again and said he had to go to the bathroom. Steve helped him and then he went back to bed.

So we shut our eyes.

And Mi Na woke up. I brought her to our bed to nurse her and I drifted in and out of sleep until Mei and Stephen were up for the day. We were pretty tired going into Thursday.

Wednesday

Steve was up and out the door before the kids got up. Taking the bus so far is working for him and if it continues to work out, then it will save us a lot of money.

We ate breakfast and went to swimming lessons. A water aerobics class is always going on when swimming lessons start. The ladies always "awww" at Stephen as he walks by. Today, it was almost as if they were waiting for him. We were a little late, but as he walked by, one lady said, "there he is!" So funny. Both of the kids passed the course and got the okay to go on to the next level.

I really do love watching them swim, but I have to say that I don't like the dressing part after. Most days, I have to chase Stephen down to get him dressed. My kids are doing better, though. After their first swim lesson was over, it took us a whole hour to be fully dressed and back in our car. These days, it takes us half an hour.

While I was getting the kids dressed today, a nice Korean woman said that my kids were cute and that she was proud of me for doing a good job taking care of three kids. This came after she witnessed me chase Stephen down, pick him up, and plop him down on a bench. It's funny she would say that because right then I was feeling stressed and impatient, and I'm sure I looked that way too.

We came home for lunch and Stephen ate so much. He just kept asking for more food. I guess he needed it. They were working hard in the pool.

Stephen went down for his nap nicely. He wanted to sleep in Mei Li's bed today. I laid down with him and sang to him, and then he happily let me tuck him in and close the door. What a nice little boy.

I cleaned up a bit, put Mi Na down, and then Mei's girlfriend, Joey, came over for a play date. There were no arguments or tears, and they took turns playing each others' games.

Stephen woke up and wanted me to hold him and play cars with him. Playing cars means that we take two cars each, crash them into each other, and then make blowing up sounds. Funny boy.

I made double chocolate mint cookies just before Jill came to pick Joey up. We all ate cookies, Jill and I talked, and the kids played until 5:40. It was so nice.


The kids watched a show while I prepared dinner. Then the kids moved upstairs to play. I went downstairs to look at something on the computer, and then I heard banging. I ran upstairs to see what happened. Stephen had taken a bare paint roller and used it to make several dents on three different wall surfaces. Mama was not happy. It was partly my fault, I'm the one who left it accessible for him. I even saw it this morning and thought that I should put it away, but got distracted and didn't.

Steve came home before 7. We ate dinner and then he and the kids went "surfing." I'm sad I didn't get Steve in the picture. He sang a beach boys song to enhance the experience. He's so cute.



Stephen's hair is getting a little too Justin Beiber-ish for my taste. Time for a haircut!

Steve put the kids down and I went to girls' night at Cold Stone's. There were just three of us. I learned so much from our conversation. We shared knowledge and ideas and I am inspired now to change a few things about how I live.

Steve and I did our workout. Each night, I probably get six or less interrupted hours of sleep, but I've noticed that I don't get tired if we've done our workout. What a blessing. The goal is still to go to bed earlier, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way.