Little Royalty

Mei Li is betrothed.  No, not to S, but to J.  J goes to our church and his mother, Marci, is my visiting teacher and my dear friend.  Although it's much too early for marriage talk, I admit that I'm secretly hopeful that this union will come to pass (at the appropriate time and place).  

Mei Li confessed once that when she and J were sitting next to each other, watching the fourth graders perform a dancing scene in their play, it made her want to talk about marriage.  (Oh help me.) 

On Fridays, I watch J and send him on the bus with Mei.   One Friday, on their way out the door to go to the bus stop, J turned to Mei Li and said, "My mom told me that I need to treat you like a princess." He said it with a look of earnestness and duty.  My heart melted.  I wished Marci was there so I could hug her and thank her for teaching her boys from a young age how to treat girls with respect.  

This experience impacted me so much that I started telling my children to treat each other like princesses and prince.  Whenever there is any conflict, I remind them.  Somehow, without any additional explanation, they know just how to alter their behavior to reflect love and respect for each other.  I hope they'll always remember how to do this, but my reminders alone won't be enough.

When I became a mother, I realized that the best thing I ever did for my children was to marry Steve.  Mei Li will feel her whole life what it is like to be treated like a princess from her father, and Stephen will have a wonderful example of what a real man should be like-kind, gentle, faithful, humble, and selfless.  My children think I love Steve a million kazillion drillion, which is a lot, but not quite enough to describe how deeply I love and respect him.

The beginning of this video made me cry.  I hope my children will understand, recognize, respect, and seek the kind of beauty Sister Dalton talks about in this video.

A year of birthdays

I haven't published any birthday posts this year.  Our morning birthday celebrations are pretty standard and simple.  The banners are strung, there are balloons and a favorite breakfast, and for the girls, there are always flowers from Steve waiting for them on the table.  When it's a child's birthday, we tell them the story of his or her birth.  And that's when I start to cry a little at the remembrance of my three of four very favorite days.  And that's also when I think about my Savior.

You see, I got the idea of telling my children the story of their birth from the Crabb family in California.  The best part about this Crabb family tradition is that it gave the father, Kelly Crabb, the inspiration to write this amazing Christmas song that they performed several times as a family in church.

Kelly would be up there with his guitar, his wife Janice, and their five children.  The sight of them alone was enough to make me cry.  And then they sang about how Mary told Jesus the first Christmas story, the story of his birth.

The chorus was always my favorite:

Mary told Jesus the first Christmas story,

How angels had sung on that night filled with glory,

How rich men and poor men rejoiced from the start,

And Mary kept all of these things in her heart.

 They sang it loudly and beautifully, and sometimes, even the family members themselves would begin to cry because that feeling, the Spirit, was so strong and so sweet.  I get that same feeling when anyone testifies of the Savior.

I love my Savior.  I know that He lives. This knowledge has brought so much sweetness, peace, and hope to my life.  I am so grateful that so many will celebrate and remember Him today.  But let us pray to remember Him all year long.  Merry Christmas, everyone!

Sunday is for family.

This morning, we all woke up late.  Steve didn't have a meeting before church so we had a nice relaxing morning.  We made crepes for breakfast.

Then after all that relaxing, we rushed to get ready for 11:00 church, and were about five minutes late.  Blast.

I stayed late after church to try to troubleshoot the copier.  Of course, in the end, it wasn't me who fixed the copier.  It was my new co-librarian's husband.  But at least now I know some other tricks to make it work when there's an imaginary paper jam.

I made three different kinds of pizza for dinner: pepperoni, margherita, and pear/arugula.  After dinner, we discussed what we should do for the rest of the evening.  I suggested we go walk on the W&OD trail, but both Stephen and Mei Li shot that idea down quick.  Mei Li said, "but going to the field is a family tradition!"  She is right after all.

So we walked to the field, and this time we practiced some tricks.  It has been much too long since I last did a cartwheel or a roundoff.

 My cartwheel.

Stephen's cartwheel.

 Steve's.

 Mei Li's special dance.

Getting ready for a big group jump that I never successfully captured.

We played until it got dark, walked home, and put the kids to bed.

Part of today's Relief Society lesson was about keeping the Sabbath Day holy.  Aside from what we don't do on Sunday, like work or buy things, Sunday is a day for worship and family togetherness.  I'm deeply grateful for the gift of the Sabbath.  Keeping it holy keeps our family strong.

9/11 thoughts

*photo by Taunya Allen*

 I cleaned the house top to bottom today in preparation for the Sabbath tomorrow.  Tomorrow is 9/11.  I've been reminding myself all week, but just remembered again about half an hour ago as we watched BYU lose to Texas, which made me all mad and emotional.  Steve, a big football fan, once told me that he didn't think God could answer my "please let BYU win" prayers and that He didn't really care who won.  I suppose he's right.  Since all the players are children of God, how could He favor one team over another? 

I do think though, that God cared very much about what happened on September 11, 2001.  I believe He was terribly sad watching His children suffer at the hands of His other children.  But, like a good parent, He lets each child make his/her own choices.  And like a good parent, He comforted those who needed comfort and heard all the prayers uttered that day.  I know that.

I remember that day well.  I was a college freshman.  My roommate, Julie, and I were sleeping.  Julie woke to her phone ringing.  It was her mother calling her to tell her the news.  Julie woke me up and we watched the events replayed in the Deseret Towers T-Hall basement.  It was full of teary-eyed freshmen girls.  We all prayed together through our tears.  And like a good parent, He did comfort us.

Ten years later, I'm a wife and a mother of three.  I'm so sad when my children fight.  I wish sometimes I could force them to do what's right and protect them from all the ills of the world.  But I can't.  I teach them about God everyday, and I know that one day, one or all of them could choose to forget everything I taught them.  And I would be terribly sad.  

I also know that what I teach them matters.  I know that my constant reminders to "be kind" and my frequent singing of "Love One Another" at bed time, matter.  Someday, they are going to face the decision to get angry or forgive, to gossip or speak kind words, to be selfish or selfless.  One or all of them might remember their mother telling them to "be kind" and they would choose forgiveness, kindness, and selflessness.  And I would be so proud and so happy. 

Most likely, all of them will do both. 

So you see, I have quite a responsibility here, and unlike my Heavenly Father, I am imperfect.  I'm pretty sad about that, mostly for my children's sake.  Fortunately, my perfect parent loves to help me when I'm trying to do what's right.  I asked Him a question about one of my children recently.   The answer that came to me was both obvious and surprising.  It was this, "teach them how to serve."  I've asked many times since, "How exactly should I do that?"  The answer is pretty simple, and unfortunately, relies completely on the example of two imperfect parents.

So perhaps it's appropriate, as we embark on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, that I resolve to do a better job of loving and serving my brothers and sisters on the earth.  I think it's the only way to teach my children to do the same.   Maybe we should all do it together. 

Family

 *photo by Jonathan Canlas

I was just reminded of the song, "The Family is of God."  I think that the chorus is my favorite part:

"God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be-

This is how He shares His love, for the fam'ly is of God."

I love that simple truth.  In families, we learn how to become like our Heavenly Father.  Steve and I are diligent about teaching our children the gospel, but we learn more from them than they learn from us, especially about things like humility, forgiveness, faith, and love.  I'm so grateful for these little teachers of mine.

You can listen to the whole song here, or just watch a portion of it with Steve and Mei Li singing.

1. Our Father has a family. It’s me!
It’s you, all others too: we are His children.
He sent each one of us to earth, through birth,
To live and learn here in fam’lies.

[Chorus]
God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—
This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.


2. A father’s place is to preside, provide,
To love and teach the gospel to his children.
A father leads in fam’ly prayer to share
Their love for Father in Heaven.

[Chorus]

3. A mother’s purpose is to care, prepare,
To nurture and to strengthen all her children.
She teaches children to obey, to pray,
To love and serve in the fam’ly.

[Chorus]

4. I’ll love and serve my family and be
A good example to each fam’ly member.
And when I am a mom or dad, so glad,
I’ll help my fam’ly remember:

God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—
This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.

Spring in Provo: 4/23

Saturday was Oliver's baptism day.  It was an event just for family.  Dorothy spoke to us about baptism.  She had cut out footprints and talked about how baptism was one step on the path back to Heavenly Father.  It was interactive and very clear for the little ones to understand.

Scott, his dad, then baptized him.  I loved seeing all the cousins press up against the glass of the baptismal font to watch.

While Oliver dressed, I led all the cousins in singing, "I Am a Child of God."  It was sweet and simple. I love hearing little voices sing that song.

After Oliver was ready, Annee came up to speak about the gift of the Holy Ghost.  She talked about how before we came to earth, we lived with Heavenly Father.  When we were born, we forgot everything.  At one point she said, "The best part about all of this (meaning this life) is that we get to go back."  Heavenly Father gave us the gift of the Holy Ghost to help us return to live with Him and Jesus again.

The room was filled with love and many, including me, had tears in their eyes.  I got a glimpse of what heaven would be like.  I felt like I was seeing the souls of each person in the room, rather than the personalities.  Stephen was on my lap and I saw his too.  It was perfect and good.  All little children are perfect and good.

Scott then confirmed Oliver a member of the church.  It is in that confirmation that Oliver received the gift of the Holy Ghost.

I'm so grateful for the guidance of the Holy Ghost.  It is present everyday in my life, mostly in small ways.  But it's been there for me in many big, life-altering ways too.  Had I not listened to its still small voice in those times, perhaps I would be living a very different life.  And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here with Steve, Mei Li, Stephen, and Mi Na.

Scott then bore his testimony to Oliver and then John, the patriarch of this whole clan.  The closing hymn was "I Know That My Redeemer Lives."  When it was all over, I felt overwhelmingly blessed to be a part of such a wonderful, faithful family.

My thoughts turned to my own parents who converted to the church when they were in their twenties.  They started the legacy of faith and now have six faithful children and fourteen grandchildren who are being taught to love and serve the Lord.  We are so blessed to be a part of that too.

That day is a memory that I will always treasure.

Before and After

Mi Na loves avocados.

And I love Mi Na.

P.S. If you're not already tuning into General Conference this weekend, you should!

Still not over

For five days, Mei Li took several naps a day, had to be carried almost everywhere, and only consumed Gatorade and water.

On Monday, I was thrilled to see this:

Mei Li was pretending to be a ballerina! She hadn't touched her toys or dress-ups for so long and it just made me so happy to see her smiling and playing again.



Well, now it's Stephen's turn. He got the bug and he's been unable to keep any food or liquid down. He's been lying down whenever and wherever he can and he wants me to hold him all the time. I kind of love that. He took a couple of naps today and watched Cars. Mei Li seems all better, except for the pink eye part!

When both Stephen and Mi Na were napping, I weeded our garden and put mulch down (finally!). Mei Li helped me a little, but she mostly played in the sun and built a dirt castle. At one point she said, "Ah! Spring is good!" Spring is good. I loved being out in the warm sun gardening. Spring will get even better once we're through with the sickness and tax season.

When I put Mei Li to bed tonight, I asked her to pray. She prayed this sweet prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please bless that Stephen won't be sick anymore and that he won't get anyone else sick.

Please do it now.

Please help him to get better.

Haven't you ever done that? When something is so hard that you just need Heavenly Father to put a stop to it right this instant! Mei Li wasn't in any pain herself, but she sure does care a lot about her little brother and his well-being. I love that little girl.

I just really hope that Mi Na doesn't get sick. While I'm at it, can I not get sick? Steve too?

I'm going to count gardening as my workout for the day. That and running up and down the stairs a gagillion times for laundry. I'm wiped. I'm going to bed now.

Another Love Post

I wrote an anniversary post back in December. Many of you read it, but I unpublished it. I wrote it late at night, and when I read it the next day, I felt that it was not at all what I wanted to say about our marriage for our anniversary. So this is anniversary post-take two.

When Steve and I were dating, there was one thing missing that I thought should exist in every relationship: DRAMA.

You better believe that I tried to create some. But I've learned that creating drama around Steve is like trying to start a fire in pouring rain. I was an emotional girl and drama followed me everywhere, and it puzzled me that it would stop when Steve was near. I once came to the conclusion that Steve was "boring," and yet I couldn't wait until we could text, talk, or meet next.

Every one of my frustrations or tears were extinguished with his gentle apologies or kind reassurances. He had this amazing ability to clear the sky of clouds and have the sun shining in minutes (after first putting out the fire, of course. He's Superman, remember?)

Our marriage, like our courtship, is pretty drama-free. But there are times when it is so clear to us that we have to be better. Steve and I have talked a lot about change and improvement since being married. People say that you shouldn't marry someone expecting to change them. But what they don't say, and what I have found, is that with enough love and soft-enough hearts, people want to change and improve for one another. This process is not always fun, but always leads to something better.

This changing is the work that comes with marriage. It is a joyful work and we're doing it together. Marriage is beautiful, and though not perfect, we have eternity to get there.

Will there be trials and tragedy for us down the road that test me, Steve, our marriage, and our family? Certainly. But I have lots of faith, and I know that there is a happy ending waiting for us. I have faith in God, faith in Steve, and faith in myself. The three of us can do anything together.

*photos by Jonathan Canlas

Here's a good one.

A couple of months ago, Ie Mei told me about a wonderful devotional talk given at BYU-Idaho. Kenneth Southwick addressed the topic of discipleship and how it is measured. He suggested this:

"the great measure of our discipleship is how we view others."

"Let me say it this precisely, our judgments about, our conclusions concerning, and our actions toward others all grow out of how we view them. If this is the case, then the question becomes, 'do we see others as a spirit son or daughter of God, as a person, as a human being, as a soul of infinite worth?' Or do we see them as something less? Or do we fail to see them at all?"

This book addresses this topic as well. I have read and love this book. I find that I can go to any page of the book randomly and learn or re-learn something about myself that I can improve.

That's all. Have a lovely day.

Do your duty with a heart full of song.

We attended church in my home ward yesterday and one of the hymns we sang was "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel." This song is the inspiration for my new year's resolution and title of this post.

When Steve and I were dating, he told me that he loved the word "duty." I loved that about him, and since we've been married, I've noticed how little he complains while fulfilling his family, church, and occupational duties.

I'm guilty of complaining and general negativity at times, and my hope is that this year, I can learn to perform my duties with a faithful, happy song in my heart, and rejoice in the glorious work I get to do daily.

WWWW: Day 3

We managed to get most of the family together for a morning walk. I love going on walks with my family. It was pleasantly cool and everyone was happy to be together.

Mom and Dad made waffles and eggs for breakfast. There was plenty of joyful noise with fourteen grandchildren in the same room getting reacquainted with each other.

Almost everyone went to the pool. I stayed behind with Michiko. We nursed our babies and talked for a while. Michiko gave birth to Boen ("abundant kindness") in April. Vanessa gave birth to Eden in June just nine days before I gave birth to Mi Na. It was so fun to meet these little babies and see in person just how cute and lovable they are.

Once Steve came back from the pool, our little family walked to the farmers market. We bought some strawberries and nectarines and one "lemon squeeze" crepe. It was a delightful outing. We met up with Vanessa and her little girl Marina there. Marina and Mei Li held hands.

Marina wanted to walk back with us so she just held my hand the whole time. My children hold my hands when necessary, but I have to remind them often.

Ie Mei and Brad made dinner tonight. Ie Mei gave a beautiful lesson about temples and families. She showed a picture of the temple to the children and asked Stephen if he knew what it was. He did know. I'm glad he knew. He also added that Moroni was on top of the temple. I'm glad he knew that too.

Ie Mei talked about how the work that goes on in the temple makes it possible for us to be together forever. We sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and "I Love to See the Temple" together. As we sang, I looked around the room at our group of twenty-six, and it was a beautiful sight that brought tears to my eyes. I really felt like my heart was going to burst open because it was so full of love for every single person there. What a great way to start the week.

NYC: Day 11

I did just what I said I would do. I took it easy.

We met Steve for lunch at Bryant Park and rode the carousel with the kids. Stephen laid out on the grass like the other New Yorkers. I think some of them must wear swimsuits on underneath their work clothes in order to lay out during their lunch hour.



I walked to the McDonald's near our hotel and purchased three hot fudge sundaes. I walked back to our hotel and we ate our treats in the comfort of our room, away from the heat, crowds, and cigarette smoke.

The kids watched the abbreviated version of "Night at the Museum," which means that I skipped all of the fighting scenes.

I laid down on my bed with Stephen while Mei Li quietly played by herself. Once Stephen was asleep, Mei Li woke me up to color with her. She gave me the Charlie Brown coloring book and she colored in her Curious George coloring book.

Mei Li asked me to draw her in a purple dress and Stephen in green shorts and a green shirt. Then she asked me to draw her a yellow house. She let me put a red door on it. She's got good taste, that Mei Li. Steve came home just as I was finishing the house.

We woke up Stephen and took the train to 66th for dinner. We ate Mediterranean food at Nanoosh. I really enjoyed it. My tabouleh salad was very refreshing. Steve's wrap was yummy and the other wraps there looked very yummy as well. The kids enjoyed the pita bread and Mei Li ate some hummus.

From there, Steve and the kids went back home and I went to the Manhattan temple. I loved my two and some hours of peace there. The Manhattan temple is uniquely beautiful, as is every other temple I've attended.

Tomorrow is Saturday, and we are going to have a wonderful time as a family.

Can you tell me about cows?

On Thursday night, Stephen and I got in a little argument about eating dinner. I told him he couldn't have an orange (he eats a lot of those) because he didn't eat his dinner and that caused him to cry and flail about.

I went over to him and said, "Stephen, I need to talk to you." I picked him up, put him on my lap, and told him why I wasn't giving him an orange. He calmed and was okay with my decision.

As I started to get up he said, "Wait! I need to talk to you!"

I sat back down and asked, "what do you need to talk to me about?"

"About cows."

So we talked about cows sitting on Ie Mei's couch with him on my lap facing me. We talked about what colors they can be, what they eat, what they make, and where they live.

The next night, after I put Mei Li to bed, he pulled me over to the couch and asked, "Mama, can you tell me about cows?"

We pretty much repeated the same conversation from the night before, except this time he asked me about baby cows. Again, he sat on my lap facing me and he was so happy to have my undivided attention.

I realize that when baby #3 comes, it will be harder to carve out individual time with each of my kids, but I think it's an important practice. Somehow I'll do it and do it well. I have faith that I'll be able to.

Each time I've had a child and feared things would be too hard, the Lord has always given me the strength to fulfill my responsibilities. I've been teaching Mei Li and Stephen a verse in the Book of Mormon about this very subject:

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."(1 Nephi 3:7)

Such an empowering verse, don't you think?

Pray.

Today I read about Emily Jones, and found myself sobbing at my computer, praying for this young mother and her daughter.
She's going to have a baby in June and her husband won't be there.
Not in body anyway.
And I thought about John Jones and how many prayers he offered to Heavenly Father during those last 24 hours of his life, stuck in a cave.
And how those who tried to get him out sang him primary songs.
Now John gets to be closer to Heavenly Father.
Life really isn't fair, but God still lives, and he loves each and every one of His children.
I don't know everything, but I do know that much. And I know that He is comforting Emily and Elizabeth now.

Amazing

Two weekends ago, my family and I enjoyed watching our church's General Conference. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave one of the most powerful addresses I have ever witnessed. Please watch it.

I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I know it. If you would like to receive a Book of Mormon, email me at cougs4@gmail.com. I will send one to you.

Sweet Sounds on a Sunday

A Real Prince

Once in a while, I hear my darling daughter call her father, "Prince Papa." Whenever addressed in such a manner, Steve never forgets to address her with her proper title of "Princess Mei Li." She reminds us often that she is a princess, and we always confirm it.

It is no wonder Mei Li feels like a princess with a father like Steve, who treats her like one. He is ever gentle, patient, and kind, never letting anything distract him from his duty as father and husband.

Exactly five years ago, this prince proposed to me, and he has treated me like a princess ever since. And to think that I almost broke up with him the week before. Thank goodness I regained my sanity in time to accept his proposal!

Steve, thank you for your never-ending patience, then and now. Oh how I love you.

Friday.

Let me start out by saying that I do not love animals. They scare me. I understand that they do have a place in this world, but I don't want to touch them or be near them.

I took Stephen and Mei to a small zoo today. We went with Ali and Brighten and their kids. This is a very special zoo because the kids get to feed the animals! Hooray!

We bought some feed and milk bottles for the kids, but I think that my children have inherited my fear of animals. All Mei Li could do was sprinkle the feed in the pens, while her buddy Chloe got up close to the animals holding out her cup for them to stick their mouths in. That is a brave brave girl. I couldn't have done it.

A thunderstorm arrived so we took refuge in the barn, where we had the milk bottle incident. Mei Li was too scared to put the nipple of the bottle into the goat's mouth and again tried the sprinkling method. So I took over and stuck the nipple in the goat's mouth. The goat tugged at the bottle and then fear took over. The bottle landed in the pen.

Ali, the brave one's mother, asked me what happened and I claimed that the goat pulled the bottle out of my hand. The truth is, I probably let go of the bottle because I was scared. And THEN, Ali reached into the pen and retrieved the bottle! Can you believe that? Chloe gets her bravery from her mother.

After the barn, we went on the wagon ride safari. I was excited about being able to look at the animals at a distance. Like this:

Not like this:

The camel was in our wagon! What the heck? Is that allowed? Brighten sort of dared me to take a picture with the camel.



What is my problem? I'm freaking out and I'm still about two feet away from it. I do have a very real fear of animals. It's not the worst thing, but living in fear is not good. I'm sad to see that my kids are probably learning from my example to fear.

I thought more about the example I set for my children tonight after I put them to bed. It's the third night in a row that Steve hasn't been here for bed time. He will likely come home around 11 or 12 tonight. I'm not complaining, it's just the way it is and it's temporary.

I was short on patience after wrestling with them to get their pajamas on, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get them to kneel down reverently for prayer. I put Stephen down in our room first and then focused on getting Mei Li in bed.

I quickly read Mei Li a story and sang her a song and was ready to leave when she asked me for water. Ugh. I gave her some water and then was almost out the door when she told me that I needed to put a jacket away. The kids had pulled it out of their closet and thrown it in the crib. I didn't feel like hanging it up so I tossed it in the hallway. Mei Li got upset that I didn't hang it up, and then I got upset because I didn't want to hang it up and I wasn't going to let a three-year-old boss me around!

Finally, I relented and angrily hung up the jacket. Mei Li started crying because I was angry. Then I got angry at myself for getting angry. I walked over to Mei Li, put my head on her pillow and cried. I felt so bad for setting a poor example for her.

Mei Li asked through her tears, "Mama, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm so sorry for getting mad."

"It's okay, Mama. Are you tired?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to take a nap with me?"

"Yeah." I climbed into her bed and we cuddled while crying.

Mei Li stroked my hair and said, "I just need you to calm down."

"Okay."

"I like your earrings."

"Thanks, Mei Li."

And we fell asleep.

When I woke up again, I got out of her bed and just watched her, stroked her hair, and kissed her cheek.

I don't ever want to get angry again, for me and for them. I don't want them to suffer from my anger and I don't want them to suffer from their own anger.

I don't want them to live in fear. I want them to be brave enough to do hard things and stand for truth even when it's so much cooler to stand for something other than truth.

How is it that I am to teach them how to do this when I myself am so flawed and do not always set a good example? Nobody is perfect, but there are many things that mothers should be that do not come naturally to me.

I suppose this is where the Savior comes in. If I do my best, repent, and do my best again, the Savior will make up what I lack. Beautiful mercy. I'm grateful for second and third and millionth chances, from my Savior and from my children and husband.

Sunday.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf rumpled baby guy's hair today.

I was not brave enough to shake his hand. I was more starstruck today than I was at 15 when I met Patrick Swayze.

It was an honor to be in the presence of a prophet, seer, and revelator.