Baby.

I figure now that my baby is two weeks old, I should probably write down her birth story.

This is the last picture I have of myself pregnant (the arm sock is covering up my PICC line).  I was 37 weeks and one day pregnant and was in the hospital for my infection.  After nine failed rounds of oral antibiotics, one failed round of IM injections, my doctor decided that it would be best for me to go to the hospital to be treated with IV antibiotics on 10/16.  

I was there for four nights, much longer than I anticipated.  I was surprised at how little rest I got and how little I enjoyed being by myself for that long, even with a good book to read and Sudoku puzzles to solve.  I was poked everyday, woken up several times each night, woken up each time I tried to nap, and then I got my PICC line.  It was a simple procedure that didn't hurt much, but I cried like a baby before, during, and after it.

My favorite times in the hospital were of course when Steve and the kids visited me.  The visits were always short.  It didn't take long for Mi Na to figure out some way to make mischief.  My daily field trip to labor and delivery for my non-stress test was also a highlight.  It meant that I got to be outside in the sunshine for just a minute and it felt glorious each time.  I also looked forward to every meal, not because the food was good (in fact, my medication made everything taste like metal), but because an Indian woman named Mina brought it to me.  She soon learned how much I loved chocolate and would bring me some even if I didn't order it.  I loved getting to know her.  

I went home (10/20) with my PICC line so I could treat myself at home.  I was to give myself IV antibiotics everyday until I delivered the baby because it's likely that being pregnant was the cause of all the trouble. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait too long.

On Tuesday morning (10/23), I got checked at my midwife appointment and was at 3+ cm.  After that appointment, I started having contractions.  They were close together (2 to 4 minutes apart), but not regular.  These contractions lasted for hours.  So I went back to my midwife practice to get checked again, and I was still at 3+ cm.  You'd think that by baby #4, I'd know if I was in labor or not, but it's always been tricky for me.  So I went home, disappointed, but the contractions lasted through the rest of the day and night.    Normal life didn't stop just because I was having contractions, but I did have help from Wendy and Saige, who helped get Stephen to and from preschool and Mei Li to and from ballet.

On Wednesday, my contractions were more regular and much stronger.  I spent the morning cleaning up our bedroom.  It had been cluttered for months.  Around 11:30 AM, I called the midwives to let them know I was going to come in to get checked again, but I had to hurry to get there before their lunch break.  I was unable to find someone to take the kids right then so I decided I would take them with me.  Stephen, however, didn't like that plan.  Being in labor is kind of a big deal, but Stephen didn't seem to think so.  We were too late to make it before lunch. So, I just waited for Steve to come home and took my antibiotics.  Steve came home, Wendy picked Stephen up for preschool, and then Steve, Mi Na and I went to the midwife office.

The midwife who checked me has been delivering babies since 1981.  I often refer to her as "the wise woman."  I love her.  She said I was at 5+ cm and that I would be having this baby tonight.  I loved her even more after that.

So then we made arrangements for our kids.  Wendy would pick Stephen up from preschool and look after him.  We would leave Mi Na with Saige, and then she would pick Mei Li up from school.  Steve asked his sister, Christine, to drive in from West Virginia so she could stay with the kids overnight.

Steve dropped me off at the hospital, dropped Mi Na off at Saige's, and picked up a few things from home.  I loved all of the midwives and would have been happy to have any of them deliver my baby.  Paula was on call that day, along with the midwife intern, Shannon.  I probably saw them more than the others and they were very proactive when I was in the hospital the week before.  They did their best to get me out of there sooner rather than later.

After sitting on the hospital bed being monitored for a while, my contractions became much stronger, but I made little progress.  The midwives talked to me about breaking my water, which is something I didn't originally want.  But, I wasn't feeling very patient. I considered getting an epidural before they broke my water.  

Steve and I walked around for a while to talk about it.  I decided it was okay for them to break my water, but I wasn't going to get an epidural.  I knew what was ahead of me and I wasn't scared (yet).  I was actually more scared of needles.  I had had too many of those from the week before.  I'm grateful for modern medicine, but I want as little to do with it as possible.

After our walk, I was at 7 cm.  They broke my water and we walked around some more.  The contractions were painless for a while.  They asked us to come back in because the wireless monitors weren't working where we were walking.  So I walked around in the delivery room and when the contractions became so painful, I got in the tub for some pain relief.  I had never tried the tub before, but it was amazing how it lessened my pain by about 50 percent.  I stayed in there for a while and I handled each contraction pretty silently.  As the contractions worsened, I started to cry.

I got out of the tub to get checked again.  Still 7 cm, but much more effaced.  I labored the rest of the time on the hospital bed.  Steve rubbed my arm, which did nothing to lessen the pain, but it was still so comforting.  I could never go through labor without him.   I tried to relax and that helped, but there are just some contractions that are beyond relaxation techniques.  I remember telling Steve, "This sucks!"  "I NEVER want to do this again!"  Can you imagine what things might have flown out of my mouth if I wasn't Mormon?

I don't really remember the timing of everything, but after several of those excruciatingly painful contractions, I was ready to push.  I don't remember how long I pushed, but it was the worst.  "I can't do this!" I screamed.  Steve assured me that I could.  (Sound familiar?)  I thrashed around a bit, rebelling against the next contraction.  I felt out of control and so mad at the pain, but I pushed anyway.  After all, that was the only way out of this mess.  Just when the pain couldn't get any worse, the baby was out and the pain went away.  And everything was perfect.

The midwife placed her on my chest right away.  There she was, a full head of dark hair and chubby cheeks like Stephen, fresh from heaven.  Steve and I didn't really talk.  We just stared at her, listened to her cry, and basked in the newness of life, in that feeling of being so close to heaven.  There is nothing like it.  It is so amazing every single time.

After a while, Steve cut the cord and she was briefly whisked away to get cleaned up.

She weighed in at 7 lbs. 5 oz., measured 19 inches long.

I love this picture.  Her cheeks are amazing!

After she got cleaned up, I nursed her for the first time and she did great on her first try.  It's amazing how they come out knowing exactly what to do.  

Saige dropped the kids off at the hospital.  It was almost 10 PM.  Stephen said, "I want to see her!"  Mei Li said, "Aww, she's so cute!  The first thing that came out of Mi Na's mouth was "Can I touch it?"  She wanted to climb right on top of me to snatch her baby sister, but Steve gently put Mi Na next to me and unwrapped her feet so Mi Na could touch them.  Right away, Mi Na performed "this little piggy" on her baby sister's tiny toes.  My heart melted into a giant puddle of love.  

Mi Na hadn't napped, so she pretty quickly had a melt-down when we put limits on how much she could touch the baby.  Pictures would not happen that night.  Christine made it to our house so Steve just took the kids home, put them to bed, and came back to be with me.  It was such a luxury to have him there for the first night, so we could have some alone time with our new nameless baby girl.  Thank you for that, Christine.

Christine and the kids came by the next day to see the still nameless little baby.  Mi Na asked again, "Can I touch it?"  She was all over that baby, getting in her face and poking her eyes.  Mei Li held her baby sister for the first time.  Stephen was not super enthusiastic, but he seemed to like her well enough.  We took a few pictures and then Steve took the kids home.  She remained nameless through the rest of that day.

Family of six!

I stayed the extra night at the hospital as instructed, and in the morning, we had to finally choose a name.  There was a name that I loved this whole pregnancy, and we were pretty sure we would end up using it. Steve liked it enough and it had a special meaning.  Steve gave his okay on Friday morning to use that name, so I wrote it down on the birth certificate form.  I crossed it out a minute later.

As much as I loved that name, it wasn't her name.  I looked at her and looked at her.  She opened her eyes wide and they stayed open for an unusually long time.  It was during that time that her name came to me. "Li Ya."  It was a name that I had mentioned to Steve before, but never seriously considered.  It means beauty and grace.  When Steve came to pick me up, we discussed her name again. Steve loved it.  Never mind that I call her "Mi Na" at least three times a day.

I'm so grateful Li Ya came to us.  I'm so grateful to have such a kind and gentle man as my husband and father of my children. I'm so grateful that we have the power to create life!  I'm so grateful for my body's ability sustain this new life.   It's easy to get overwhelmed by all the responsibility that comes with having four children, but the Lord will help us. We can do this.  I dare say that we'll even be good at it.  Life is so beautiful.

Little Royalty

Mei Li is betrothed.  No, not to S, but to J.  J goes to our church and his mother, Marci, is my visiting teacher and my dear friend.  Although it's much too early for marriage talk, I admit that I'm secretly hopeful that this union will come to pass (at the appropriate time and place).  

Mei Li confessed once that when she and J were sitting next to each other, watching the fourth graders perform a dancing scene in their play, it made her want to talk about marriage.  (Oh help me.) 

On Fridays, I watch J and send him on the bus with Mei.   One Friday, on their way out the door to go to the bus stop, J turned to Mei Li and said, "My mom told me that I need to treat you like a princess." He said it with a look of earnestness and duty.  My heart melted.  I wished Marci was there so I could hug her and thank her for teaching her boys from a young age how to treat girls with respect.  

This experience impacted me so much that I started telling my children to treat each other like princesses and prince.  Whenever there is any conflict, I remind them.  Somehow, without any additional explanation, they know just how to alter their behavior to reflect love and respect for each other.  I hope they'll always remember how to do this, but my reminders alone won't be enough.

When I became a mother, I realized that the best thing I ever did for my children was to marry Steve.  Mei Li will feel her whole life what it is like to be treated like a princess from her father, and Stephen will have a wonderful example of what a real man should be like-kind, gentle, faithful, humble, and selfless.  My children think I love Steve a million kazillion drillion, which is a lot, but not quite enough to describe how deeply I love and respect him.

The beginning of this video made me cry.  I hope my children will understand, recognize, respect, and seek the kind of beauty Sister Dalton talks about in this video.

Lovers in Boston: Day 1

Steve and I are in Boston sans children.  We feel very blessed to have good friends who offered to watch our kids for a weekend.  Thank you, Jill and Kevin.

We all woke up around 7 AM, except for Mei Li.  She slept in until I woke her up at 7:40.  We were scrambling to get everything together.  We kept thinking we were forgetting things, and we didn't leave our house until 8:10 or so, even though we planned to drop of the kids at 8:00.

When we got to Jill's, Mei Li and Stephen immediately started playing.  Mi Na reached for me after I gave her to Jill, but she didn't cry.  I briefly explained the bedtime routines to Jill and then we kissed all of our kids and said goodbye.

It is a weird feeling to leave your kids behind.  My heart broke a little as we walked away.

We were afraid we were late, but we weren't.  The good thing about traveling without kids was that it took us only ten minutes to check bags and go through security.  The worker who checked our IDs and boarding passes called Steve "honey" and called me "sugar pie."  I don't know if I've ever been called "sugar pie" before, but it made me laugh.

The plane ride was short.  We didn't come prepared with reading or listening material so Steve and I tackled the crossword puzzle together.

We took a taxi from the airport to our hotel.  We got dressed in nice clothes and hopped on the T to the Alewife station, and took a taxi to the Boston Temple because we just barely missed the bus.

The taxi dropped us off at the church building next to the temple.  I loved how the church was sweetly tucked away in a little forest of trees and that there was a tree-covered walkway that led to the temple.

 

We made it to the 3:00 temple session.  It's a beautiful temple, and we felt inspired, renewed, and so happy as we left.

 

We walked out to the road to catch the bus, and just then, a bus came down the road and stopped for us even though we weren't at an official bus stop.  We felt so blessed.  

That very bus also broke down several times on the way back to the station.  "Sorry, people!" called out the bus driver.  And all of the riders just laughed and made jokes about getting out to push the bus.  I loved how everyone made light of the situation.

  Eventually, we made it back to the station and back to our hotel.  We changed out of our clothes and started our walk to the North End.  On the way, we stopped to watch some impressive street performers.

We walked through the Holocaust Memorial.  One quote in particular stuck out to me:

“Ilse, a childhood friend of mine, once found a raspberry in the camp and carried it in her pocket all day to present to me that night on a leaf. Imagine a world in which your entire possession is one raspberry and you give it to your friend.”
Gerda Weissman Klein.  

I don't even know what to say about the Holocaust.  It was such a horrible event and it's just not fair that so many had to suffer so much. I'm glad that I could walk through that memorial to remind me to be grateful to my Heavenly Father and to be loving to all of His children.


Our walk ended at an Italian Restaurant.  Steve ordered shrimp and pasta in marinara, and I ordered gnocchi with mushrooms in a sun-dried tomato sauce.  Delicious.

After dinner, we walked around the North End and couldn't help but notice that every other person we saw was carrying a white box labeled "Mike's Pastry."  We felt a little left out and decided that we needed to have a "Mike's Pastry" box too.

We chose three different cannoli flavors: plain, pistachio, and chocolate peanut butter.  We took our little white box to the Christopher Columbus Waterfront Park and ate our cannolis on a bench.  They were yummy, but we couldn't finish them.  We were stuffed.

 

While we sat on the bench, a dog approached us and sniffed us and licked me (ewww).  The dog's owner was chatty.  He told us about all of the great pastry places while his dog continued to sniff us.

Our walk back to the hotel was slow and pleasant.  We saw two couples making out and overheard funny girlie conversations.

We made it back to the hotel and shared an elevator kiss.  I can't remember when we started our elevator kissing ritual, but I'm grateful that while we're here we get to ride the elevator together a lot. :)

Jill and I texted each other several times today.  The last text message I received from her was a picture of Mi Na in her red bathing suit smiling.  It made me so happy to see her happy.

We have one more full day here.  It's going to be awesome.

Another Love Post

I wrote an anniversary post back in December. Many of you read it, but I unpublished it. I wrote it late at night, and when I read it the next day, I felt that it was not at all what I wanted to say about our marriage for our anniversary. So this is anniversary post-take two.

When Steve and I were dating, there was one thing missing that I thought should exist in every relationship: DRAMA.

You better believe that I tried to create some. But I've learned that creating drama around Steve is like trying to start a fire in pouring rain. I was an emotional girl and drama followed me everywhere, and it puzzled me that it would stop when Steve was near. I once came to the conclusion that Steve was "boring," and yet I couldn't wait until we could text, talk, or meet next.

Every one of my frustrations or tears were extinguished with his gentle apologies or kind reassurances. He had this amazing ability to clear the sky of clouds and have the sun shining in minutes (after first putting out the fire, of course. He's Superman, remember?)

Our marriage, like our courtship, is pretty drama-free. But there are times when it is so clear to us that we have to be better. Steve and I have talked a lot about change and improvement since being married. People say that you shouldn't marry someone expecting to change them. But what they don't say, and what I have found, is that with enough love and soft-enough hearts, people want to change and improve for one another. This process is not always fun, but always leads to something better.

This changing is the work that comes with marriage. It is a joyful work and we're doing it together. Marriage is beautiful, and though not perfect, we have eternity to get there.

Will there be trials and tragedy for us down the road that test me, Steve, our marriage, and our family? Certainly. But I have lots of faith, and I know that there is a happy ending waiting for us. I have faith in God, faith in Steve, and faith in myself. The three of us can do anything together.

*photos by Jonathan Canlas

I've decided to find out.

This time around, I didn't want to find out the gender of this baby. Steve did. I've come to the conclusion that the best way to find out is together, whether before the birth or after.

I get my way most of the time, not that my way is always contrary to Steve's way. He is always bending for me and I want to bend for him. I know he'd happily wait to find out if I asked him to, but I feel better about fulfilling his wish.

Tomorrow we're going to either confirm or disprove our shared suspicion of the gender. Any guesses?