November 3: I'm grateful for Steve's job.

Steve worked from home today.  I love that he has that option sometimes.  We try not to bug him while he's working and we succeed for the most part.  Steve working from home doesn't really mean extra hands, but it just feels different and nice to have his presence during the day. I do sometimes get to leave a sleeping Adam at home and take Li Ya on a short errand, which feels amazing.  So often I feel as though doing an errand means skipping all or part of one of his naps, which makes for a miserable day.

Mostly I'm grateful for the safety and security Steve's job provides.  I can't really imagine what it would be like not to feel safe and secure.  I guess that makes me unbelievably lucky.  I know that there are so many in this world who don't get to feel that way.

November 2: I'm grateful for Mi Na.

Back in September, I attended curriculum night at the elementary school.  After Mrs. Kissinger finished her presentation of the second grade curriculum.  I had four moms surround me and ask me if I was Mi Na's mom. They all asked for contact info so they could schedule play dates for Mi Na and their daughters.  I had never had anything like that happen before.  I was happy to know she had made friends and was well-liked.  

Second grade math, however, has been a struggle for her.  More specifically, Common Core second grade math has been a struggle.  Virginia is one of the few states that doesn't use Common Core.  Her performance on her most recent math test was poor.  

Our reaction to this has been to give her more practice at home.  She has willingly done the extra work and tells us that she wants to be really good at math.  Every night she prays that she can improve in math.  I asked her how she felt about doing Kumon after school and she was totally on board.   

Her willingness to learn and work hard will help her succeed at anything.  She amazes me every day.  I'm so grateful for Mi Na.  

November 1: I'm grateful for our little house in the big woods.

Steve got up early and got the kids off to school and I slept in.  I hate it when I do that.  When he left for work, Adam was still asleep so I did my workout for the day.  I got sleep and my workout and Steve got neither.  I need to do better.

I neglected cleaning my home through the ward fall festival planning and now that it's over, all I want to do is clean.  On Monday, I cleaned the master bedroom and bathroom.  This morning, Li Ya and I tidied the girls' room, tidied and vacuumed Adam's room, and folded and put away a lot of laundry.  I gave her the basket full of socks and she loved finding matches.  She is such a happy little friend to have around.  

Adam did not take good naps today. He probably only napped for one hour today.  Those are always hard days.  He has a voracious appetite these days.  When I put food on his tray, he grabs a fistful at a time and stuffs it in his mouth. It is entertaining to watch but hard to keep up.  

Adam is becoming more delightful every day.  It's easy to make Adam laugh and smile.  I was looking back on an old post about Li Ya when she was one and I said that she was my happiest baby. I think Adam might even be happier than she was.  Adam is turning one in four days and Li Ya is stressed that he can't walk yet.  I, however, am not stressed about it.  He will walk eventually. 

Mei Li, Stephen, and Mi Na all came home happy.  I'm always grateful for days like that.  Mei Li came home excited about her upcoming cell project for science.  She is planning on writing a song about cells with her ukulele.  She has really taken to the ukulele and practices every day for fun. Stephen loves orchestra, which doesn't surprise me.  It does surprise me that he would admit it.  For so many years, he denied loving playing the violin.  

It's the first day in November and I'm thinking about gratitude.  I'm still grieving over our move a little.  I have good days and bad.  It doesn't help that I don't enjoy this rental home.  I think that when we find a place to buy, we can really settle in and put down roots.  I love roots.  As much as it bothers me to live here, I'm so grateful for our little house in the big woods.

On our last housing trip out here, we started looking at rentals, realizing that our time was running out to buy a house before school started.  We saw this house in Wayne and asked to see it, but because it was still occupied, we weren't allowed to.  

On July 5, we moved our whole family here with no place to live so we moved into the downtown Philadelphia Marriott.  We went to see this home our first week.  We saw some other rentals too and decided to apply to rent a home in Bala Cynwyd.  It turns out that there were several applicants and the landlord wanted each to name their best price.  We walked away and decided to rent this home instead. 

The week before we moved in, three families wanted to rent this home sight unseen.  It was odd to me that this home should sit vacant for two months, but as soon as we signed the lease, there were so many others who all of a sudden wanted to rent it too.  The home was waiting for us.  Heavenly Father provided this home for us. 

Our little house in the big woods is a good temporary home while we search for our permanent home.  Adam and Stephen each have their own rooms and Mei Li, Mi Na, and Li Ya share the attic bedroom, which is quite large.  There is a room in the basement that houses the washer and dryer and Steve's home office desk.  It is tight, but a home office is crucial and somehow this little house still provided that.  There is a basement family room for toys, a spot for our family computer in the kitchen/dining area.  It has just enough space for everything we really need, and I know that Heavenly Father knew that about this house.  

Tuesday

I just spent the last half hour reading through old blog posts.  I'm kind of amazed at how much time I spent recording our days and I feel sad that I don't do that so much anymore.  I do it in different ways, like Instagram, but that's different.  I would like to resume my old wonderful habit.  

Steve is in the middle of tax season.  Last night, I suggested that instead of coming home early for Family Home Evening, we should meet him in Tyson's Corner and have family night there so he could get in a few more hours of work.  We ate dinner at Shake Shack and it was delicious as always, but also expensive.   I wonder if In N Out will ever come out east.  Let's hope.  

Steve got home late last night and even though I vowed to get to bed early, we spent the next couple of hours chatting.  It was close to 2 AM when we went to bed.  

I was late getting Mi Na to ballet this morning.  I lost track of time because I was talking to my sister, Ie Mei, on the phone.  She always has a great time in ballet.  The recital is at the end of June and she is counting down the days!  

Back at home, Mi Na and Li Ya watched a show together while I prepared lunch.  I put Li Ya down for a nap and then folded half of a mountain of laundry.  I found Mi Na watching "Barney: Let's Go to the Farm" while wearing our Dorothy dress up dress and a yellow pioneer bonnet.  I kissed her on the nose and chuckled silently.

Mei Li and Stephen came home from school and Stephen immediately started on his homework.  He had finished half of it on the bus.  Mei Li ate a snack and puttered around for a bit before getting on her ballet clothes.  Mei Li is getting more serious about dancing.   She takes a ballet class and a lyrical class.  Today was a ballet day.  I waited outside of ballet in the car with the other kids.  Li Ya and Mi Na watched on the iPad and Stephen played a football game on my phone.  I locked the car doors, reclined my seat, and took a nap.  It was glorious.  

After ballet, Mei Li did her homework and Stephen practiced his violin.  I made scrambled eggs and toast for dinner.  Bed time came and went somewhat unpleasantly.  Daylight savings is kind of killing me.  

After Stephen, Mi Na, and Li Ya were asleep, Mei Li and I talked about which ancestor she should talk about tomorrow at Activity Days.  I told her several stories and she kept wanting to hear more.  Unfortunately, I don't know more than a few stories!   I should probably rectify that.  She is really interested in my great grandmother's story.  We walked over to our ancestral wall so I could show her the picture of my great grandmother and then she asked about the people in the other pictures.  I told her about my Uncle Benny's tragic life and it made her sad.  She wished things had been different for him.  

When I talk to Mei Li, I am a little bit in awe of the young lady she is becoming.  I love how sincere and earnest she is in all that she does.  I don't take a bit of credit for it.  This is her own personality blossoming in a happy environment.  Steve and I can probably take some credit for the happy environment, but Mei Li was born with this beautiful spirit inside of her.

Steve is still working, and I still have half of a mountain of laundry to fold.  Good night.

Little things from Wednesday and Thursday

Wednesday

Li Ya fell down today and started to cry.  Mi Na felt bad and offered Li Ya her Sleeping Beauty baby doll, which she previously denied her on the ride home from preschool.  I said to Li Ya, "Li Ya, that was so nice of Mi Na, can you give her a hug?"  Li Ya gave her a hug.  It was beautiful.

Stephen reported that he finished his Wednesday night homework on the bus ride to school.  Steve had sent him on the bus with all the materials he needed to complete his assignment.  I love his eagerness.

This afternoon, I complimented Mei Li on her outfit: a white and gray striped t-shirt, emerald green leggings with a dog print, and a hot pink knit twirly skirt.  In response, she twisted her legs back and forth so her skirt swished, and then she giggled a little.

Mei Li rushed through her piano practice so she could go play outside.   Her piano-playing profile included a large bird's nest on the back of her head, the result of two days of complete hair neglect.  I wonder if I am the only mother to let that happen regularly.  Sigh.

Thursday

This morning, I witnessed Li Ya feeding her pretzel sticks to Mi Na.  I love watching their relationship develop.

Around bed time, I walked into Stephen and Mi Na's room to find the older three kids playing something together.  Mi Na was wearing Mei Li's bright pink polka-dot pajamas, which are humongous on her.  She was jumping up and down and dancing in front of the window singing, "Welcome to our party!" in kind of a low husky voice.  Then she said, "Mom! Do you want to come to our girl party?  I mean, boy and girl party?"  Poor Stephen really gets roped into a lot of girl play.  He handles it well, and I think he'll make a terrific husband.

Charlotte's Web was the book of choice for Mei Li and Stephen tonight.  Gosh I love that book.  I read it slowly and with my best character voices, which aren't that great at all.  Mei Li rested her head on my shoulder while I read.  Stephen sat on the other side of me, leaning on my arm.  Heaven.

Lately...

I used to be such a dedicated blogger, and now look at me!  We had a great summer, visiting with family in the Outerbanks and in Utah.  All summer, as mosquitoes nibbled away at my children and me, I wondered how we could move west to be closer to family.  We haven't figured it out yet.

Mei Li did swim team this summer and she improved so much.  I'm so impressed with her willingness to try everything, even if it means struggling or failing in the beginning.  The results of this kind of attitude are impressive, and I'm trying to learn from her example.  I have lived my whole life doubting myself, which is just so unproductive!

Stephen did private swim lessons all summer and passed his swim test, swimming the length of the pool and treading water for thirty seconds.  His swim teacher, also named Stephen, taught him well and is just an all-around great guy.  I'm grateful Stephen could have such a good example in his life.

My kids really hated me this summer.  They had to do chores, math, and reading everyday before I would let them play outside with their friends or have screen time.  I plan to do it every summer, and I keep thinking that one day they'll thank me for it?  Who knows.  I sometimes wonder if I'm doing it all wrong.

Mei Li is in second grade, Stephen is in half-day kindergarten, and Mi Na goes to preschool two days a week.  Stephen had a bit of a rough start, but he is doing great now.  Each day, the kindergarten teacher gives one student in the class a gold star for behavior.  Stephen longed for that star and was sad each time he was overlooked.  Last Tuesday, he came off the bus with a huge smile on his face and the gold star in his hand.  He was so happy!  I love that kid.

Mei Li's teacher called me the first week of school to tell me how proud he was of her for making a good choice in class.  She was put out that she had to work with a certain boy and not with her friend.  After throwing a fit about it, her teacher asked her to leave the classroom and come back when she calmed down.  She decided to calm down quickly and work with the boy.  She and the boy became friends, and she thanked her teacher for allowing her to work with someone new.  I was proud of her.

Last week, Mi Na's preschool teacher, Mrs. W., told me how Mi Na refused to put her shoes back on after the foot painting activity.  She told Mi Na that she couldn't come listen to the story until she put on her shoes, but Mi Na still wouldn't listen.  The assistant teacher sat with her in the hallway where Mi Na just sobbed and sobbed.  After a while, she returned to the classroom, put on her shoes, and was great the rest of the time.  When Mi Na saw me, she hugged me and cried.  I told her teachers how she'd been getting up super early in the morning because she's in a big girl bed now.  She was probably over-tired.  Mrs. W., who looks and acts very much like a Disney princess, hugged Mi Na and said, "We all have hard days."  She said it with so much love that I almost cried too.  Later that day, I took the kids on a long drive so Mi Na could take a car nap.

Li Ya is proving to be the happiest little creature on earth.  She smiles so big all the time, I wonder if she'll burst open with joy.  That's how I feel about myself when I look at her.  She is such a joy to all of us.  She is crawling, cruising, making all kinds of messes, and I'm just delighted with all of it.  Last Thursday, as I was changing her diaper, I looked at her, pointed at me, and said, "Mama."  She responded, "Ma-ma-ma."   She's been babbling "Da-da-da" for a good month already, so it was quite exciting for me!

Things I don't want to forget

After I put Mi Na in bed, but just before I leave her room, she says, "I'm truly, truly thirsty."

While passing out flyers for the Loudoun County food drive last Thursday evening, we met an elderly woman named Ms. Ches.  Ms. Ches invited us into her house and then asked us for our names.  Mei Li said, "My name is Mei Li, but you can call me Mei."

On Monday, Mei Li went outside to play with her friends.  She ran back into the house telling me that she and her friends were going to sell things that they don't use anymore and give the money to charity or to people whose things are broken.  It was very cute and no doubt stemmed from our involvement in the Loudoun County food drive.

Stephen is a really great brother to his sisters.  He plays well with Mi Na and has scaled back on tormenting Mei Li.  He helps me unbuckle Li Ya, but I had to draw the line at that when I saw him try to carry Li Ya out of the minivan. (Yikes.)

Li Ya is just as pleasant as can be.  She recently learned how to roll from back to front, so she's rolling all over the place now.  After I feed her, we like to smile at each other and laugh.  Her cheeks are so squishy and kissable.

Season of Joy

Tax season is over, my friends, and that means our season of joy has begun.  Yesterday was really wonderful.  

 One precious moment happened when I was making dinner in the afternoon. Li Ya started crying in the Bumbo chair so both Stephen and Mei Li knelt right beside her and together they started singing to her, which made her smile.  It warmed my heart. 

 Steve came home around 5:15! and then we all went to Stephen's T-ball game.  

 He's such a focused little player.  I adore him.  He would love to play sports all day long.

Steve registered Stephen for kindergarten this morning!  I can't believe I'll have two kids in school come autumn.

The weather was beautiful today so we went to the park in the late morning.  Mi Na wanted to wear her goggles.  It never occurred to me to say "no."  I thought she looked awesome.  And if I had said "no," she would have said, "That's not the password!" with her angry face.

We ate dinner at Potbelly tonight for our celebration dinner and then we watched "Granite Flats" as a family.  Steve will be taking a few days off, which will be so so nice.  Life is good.

Dear Li Ya

Dear Li Ya,

You're turning four months old next week and I'm a little sad about it.  These first few months with you have been heavenly.  I will miss the newborn you.

You wake up from sleep so hungry and angry. But somehow, when I set you down for your diaper change, you look up at me, put aside your hunger, and smile.  Then, when I bring you close for a feeding, you start snorting like a panicky piglet anticipating its breakfast.  It's the most perfect snort in the world.

You are the easiest smiler.  All anyone has to do for a smile is look at you and a smile starts to form, small and closed-mouthed at first and then big and open. Your cheeks are especially kissable then, and my kisses only make you smile bigger.  You are pure sunshine.

You slept through the night around six weeks old, and mothering four children became much less daunting from that point on.  Thank you for that.  However, you stopped sleeping through the night around ten weeks.  I anticipated that.  Mi Na did the same thing.  It was a pretty rough adjustment to go from a full night's sleep to being woken up four or five times each night.  Again.  You've settled back into waking just once a night, which is doable.

People like to comment on your eyes.  Two perfect almond shapes, so big in comparison to your little nose and mouth, except when you smile and your mouth gets so big that your eyes disappear. You look like all of your siblings, but still different.  

I love how you bring your hands together at the center of your chest, like you're praying.   I can't remember any of your siblings doing that.  

You take an early evening nap most days.  It helps a lot when I'm putting your siblings to bed.  And when it's just you and me, we stare at each other, exchanging smiles and coos.  Your cooing is the most heavenly sound.  You're gifted for sure. :)  

Thank you for coming to us, Li Ya.  It is an honor to be your mother.  

Love,
Mom

Surprises are nice.

Tonight, I sat down to dinner with Mei Li, Stephen, and Mi Na.  Li Ya was taking her early evening nap.  Around 6:20 PM, Steve walked into the kitchen and my first reaction was, "What are you doing here?!"  His explanation was that he finished all the work he could for the day!

Clearly, it doesn't take much to excite us during tax season.  Steve could have come home at 7:15 and it would have been special. Steve ate dinner with us and then headed to the basement to play with the kids.  Stephen and Steve were football players, Mei Li was a fairy, and Mi Na was a cowboy.  Early bedtimes went out the window, but it was worth it.

We still have almost two months left of busy season.  I think we're faring pretty well, but of course we can't wait for it all to be over.  Steve's the favorite around here, if you couldn't already tell. 

While Steve put Stephen to bed, I sat on the couch watching Mei Li make Li Ya smile.  They're a pretty cute pair.  I'm in love with this little family of ours.

Blessing Day

Steve blessed our little Li Ya today.  Grandma and Grandpa Z., the Earnests, the Fitzgeralds, and the Kimbles were all here for Li Ya's special day.   We somehow all got to church in time for the blessing, even though it was early.

Steve's voice was tender and full of love as he gave the blessing.   It was beautiful.  Li Ya is so very blessed to have so many who love her and are good examples to her.  After church, we gathered at our home for food and lots of conversation.   I wonder how many times "Durban," "South Africa," or "Swaziland" came up in our conversations.  Why?  Oh, just because Grandma and Grandpa Z. will be serving as the mission president couple for the South Africa Durban mission starting in July!  We're all super excited for them.  It was a happy happy day. 

Um, I love her.

Proud Mama and Papa

The blessing circle participants

Christine, Jon (aka the Mountaineer), and Annee and Darin's little Wally

Rachel and Mi Na

  

Annee and Wally (Why don't I have a picture of his twin, Eleanor?)

South Africa bound!

Let's take the long way home.

Today was a beautifully warm and sunny day.   I decided to walk Stephen to preschool to enjoy the weather and get some exercise.  Mi Na would just skip her nap today.

It's 1.7 miles to Stephen's preschool.  He walked half of the way there and then sat in the back of the stroller the rest of the way.  He's much too big for the stroller, but it worked.  Mi Na sat in front and I had Li Ya in the wrap on my chest.

On the way back, I tried to find the trail route home.  We first stopped at a tot lot so I could feed Li Ya, and Mi Na could play.  Mi Na asked me for lots of underdogs on the swing and she got dirty running around in the wet mulch.

She collected lots of pine needles and showed them proudly to me.  When she and Li Ya wore their hats, she called Li Ya "cowboy Li Ya" and herself "cowboy Mi Na" in her best cowboy accent.

We left the park and found the trail home.  I fully intended to walk straight to our house.  We crossed a bridge over a small stream and Mi Na asked to get out so she could see the water.  At first I said no because I needed to hurry home, but then I realized that I didn't need to hurry home.  Mei Li would have after school art, which meant that we didn't need to be home for a couple more hours.  I let her out of the stroller so she could walk.  She threw her pine needles into the stream and then collected sticks and rocks to throw in there too.

I knew there would be more to see so I started moving on and she ran after me with a huge smile on her face.  She grabbed my hand and I noticed that her hand could only wrap around two of my fingers.  She's still so little, though it doesn't seem like it with a baby around.

We continued on the trail until we met the stream again.  She grabbed mud and rocks and threw them into the water.

I started to go, thinking she would follow, but she did not want to leave that spot.  She came eventually, grabbed my pinky and ring fingers, and walked happily on, noticing every bird, tree, leaf, stick, and sound on her way.  She looked like she was in heaven, so of course, I dreamed about living somewhere wide and open.

We passed a fenced backyard containing a barking dog.  Mi Na called the fence "branch" and said, "The dog is stuck in the branch! He needs us!"  She walked right over to the fence, fully expecting to rescue this dog.  She said to the dog, "Here's the problem, doggie. You're stuck in the branch."  I hurried her along when I heard the owner call for the dog.

We crossed one more stream that she had to stop at.  She threw everything she could find in it and I'm convinced she could have done that for three hours straight without food and water.

She hopped in the stroller when I needed to cross a busy street and we went straight home from there.  Li Ya slept soundly on my chest for almost that whole time.  I loved my slow and easy time with Mi Na today.  I used to have slow and easy times like this when I just had Mei Li and Stephen.

 Since Li Ya's birth, I've felt a little crazy.  Not today.  I just felt really, really good.  Hurry up, spring!  Cure my crazy!

Here's a picture of Li Ya from today:

I think she's really cute.

Angels

Apparently, I can't decide if I'm a blogger or not a blogger.  I'm a journal-keeper, but I'm having a hard time deciding where I'm journaling these days too.  Anyway, here's a post I started way back in November.

Thursday, November 8,  was my "practice day" as Steve called it.  He went back to work, but said he would come home early so I wouldn't have to take all the kids to piano lessons.  The day went pretty well, but Steve was late coming home.  So I packed up the kids as quickly as I could because as usual, we were late.  As I drove out of the parking lot, Steve drove in.  He followed me to piano, took Stephen and Mi Na with him, and then I sat in the quiet car, nursed Li Ya, and waited for Mei Li.  I also thought about scolding Steve for being late, but I never did.

Steve, Mi Na, and Stephen arrived at home shortly after Mei Li, Li Ya, and I did.  He said, "I know you're mad, but I brought a surprise for you."  And then my sister-in-law, Michiko, appeared!  I cried and cried and I could not stop hugging her.  Then she told me she'd be here for a week!   I felt so grateful and so relieved to have help for a little longer before doing the four kids thing on my own.  

On Friday morning, I woke up much later than everyone else.  I walked downstairs and into my kitchen, and there was my sister, Ie Mei, eating a bowl of cereal!  It was such an amazing surprise.  Michiko and Ie Mei each have four kids of their own and somehow these angels from northern California and Mexico City were both in my house. 

Ie Mei and Michi went right to work and had my whole house cleaned by noon on Friday.  Ie Mei even washed my walls.   They went grocery shopping for me, cooked dinner every night, took our family portraits, played with my kids, babysat so Steve and I could go on dates, filled my freezer with meals, did my laundry, threw an early birthday party for Stephen, and helped me install bookshelves!  

Ie Mei had to leave on Monday, but Michi stayed until the following Thursday.  She helped me make an awesome chore chart using a magnetic white board and then helped me hang it.  She hung a mirror over our piano, fixed our entertainment center door, prepared additional freezer meals, and continued to make dinner each night and do my laundry.

My list of things to do before the baby came still had fifteen items on it.  Ie Mei and Michiko helped me get through at least half of it.  These women are just incredible. They served with such love and generosity that I could not help but want to love and serve also.  I don't think my heart will ever be the same after being the recipient of such goodness.  Thank you, Michi and Ie Mei.

Here are some of the awesome pictures Michi took from that week:

The Year of the Sunshine-Maker

I love fresh starts.  2012 for us was beastly and amazing.  There were too many hospital trips and expensive repairs, but Li Ya's birth changed everything into wonderful.  She is such a great and perfect addition to our family.

On the first Monday of 2013, we sat down for Family Home Evening and discussed three family goals for the year.  Mei Li came up with "no arguing."  We've since renamed the goal "be peacemakers."  Stephen came up with "keep the house clean everyday."  I have given up the dream of a clean house everyday.  I am happy if the house is clean at least once a week.  We renamed his goal "be happy helpers."  The third goal is to read the scriptures as a family daily.  We actually did a fairly good job of this in 2012, but there is always room for improvement.

In the late winter and early spring of 2012, I listened to the unabridged Little Women with my children while driving in the car.  Since I didn't drive very much, it took a while for us to finish it.  I loved all of it.  Marmee is my hero.  Everything she said was golden.  My favorite thing she said was to Meg when Meg was a busy young mother of twins.  "Go out more; keep cheerful as well as busy, --for you are the sunshine-maker of the family, and if you get dismal there is no fair weather."  I felt so comforted that I wasn't the only young mother to struggle with gloominess, even if that other mother is fictional.  So much of our family's success in achieving our goals depends on me.  My kids will have a hard time being peacemakers if I'm not peaceful.  They won't be happy helpers if I don't happily help them.

So far in 2013, I think we've done a good job of being more peaceful and helpful. I've tried to incorporate chore-time into our routine so they know what to expect and do it without complaint.  I've also done a better job of getting out of the house to have fun instead of just doing errands

Steve's tax season is upon us now.  Dinner and bed time without Steve is a circus.  At one point tonight, I was upstairs reading Mi Na her book, Li Ya was screaming in her bed, and Stephen was asking me to wipe his bum downstairs.   I'm sure every mother can relate in some way.  I can't meet everybody's needs at the same time, so I feel like I'm constantly asking for their patience.  I hope they don't resent that.  I eventually did put Mi Na to bed, wipe Stephen's bum, and feed Li Ya.  It's nice that Mei Li is pretty independent.

Throughout the day, I make sure to express gratitude for the small tender mercies from the Lord that lighten my load.  For example,  I love it when Li Ya burps soon after feeding, especially when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere.  I'm grateful when the milk carton isn't too full so Mei Li can pour it herself.  I'm grateful for breaks in the cold weather so I can go on walks and play at the park.

At the end of my life, I'm pretty positive that I will regard this stage as one of the sweetest.  All of our kids are here under one roof.  We are a complete family everyday.  We are so very blessed.  2013 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.

Christmas Thoughts

I know Christmas is over, but I had to share just a few things about our Christmas.

There is really nothing like getting to cuddle a newborn during Christmas time.  I'm sure I'm not the only mother who has wept listening to "Away in a Manger" while cuddling her newborn child.  The last verse is my favorite.

I understand now how loving a person can change them.  In the month leading up to Li Ya's birth and the month following, I was the recipient of much service.  I won't ever be the same because of it.

Christmas at home was lovely, but I still long to have cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents around during the holidays.  We need to move west!  I used to think I'd like to stay in Virginia forever, but traveling to the west with four kids is just too difficult and expensive to do it as often as we would like.

I love putting on Christmas for my family.  Each Christmas, I hope to focus more on my Savior than I did the last Christmas and focus less on the things.  But somehow I always allow myself to stress out about the things, especially during crunch time.  I hope I won't always do that, but likely I will.  I hope though that I'm doing enough to teach my children about Him and how to love and serve Him.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas.

Baby.

I figure now that my baby is two weeks old, I should probably write down her birth story.

This is the last picture I have of myself pregnant (the arm sock is covering up my PICC line).  I was 37 weeks and one day pregnant and was in the hospital for my infection.  After nine failed rounds of oral antibiotics, one failed round of IM injections, my doctor decided that it would be best for me to go to the hospital to be treated with IV antibiotics on 10/16.  

I was there for four nights, much longer than I anticipated.  I was surprised at how little rest I got and how little I enjoyed being by myself for that long, even with a good book to read and Sudoku puzzles to solve.  I was poked everyday, woken up several times each night, woken up each time I tried to nap, and then I got my PICC line.  It was a simple procedure that didn't hurt much, but I cried like a baby before, during, and after it.

My favorite times in the hospital were of course when Steve and the kids visited me.  The visits were always short.  It didn't take long for Mi Na to figure out some way to make mischief.  My daily field trip to labor and delivery for my non-stress test was also a highlight.  It meant that I got to be outside in the sunshine for just a minute and it felt glorious each time.  I also looked forward to every meal, not because the food was good (in fact, my medication made everything taste like metal), but because an Indian woman named Mina brought it to me.  She soon learned how much I loved chocolate and would bring me some even if I didn't order it.  I loved getting to know her.  

I went home (10/20) with my PICC line so I could treat myself at home.  I was to give myself IV antibiotics everyday until I delivered the baby because it's likely that being pregnant was the cause of all the trouble. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait too long.

On Tuesday morning (10/23), I got checked at my midwife appointment and was at 3+ cm.  After that appointment, I started having contractions.  They were close together (2 to 4 minutes apart), but not regular.  These contractions lasted for hours.  So I went back to my midwife practice to get checked again, and I was still at 3+ cm.  You'd think that by baby #4, I'd know if I was in labor or not, but it's always been tricky for me.  So I went home, disappointed, but the contractions lasted through the rest of the day and night.    Normal life didn't stop just because I was having contractions, but I did have help from Wendy and Saige, who helped get Stephen to and from preschool and Mei Li to and from ballet.

On Wednesday, my contractions were more regular and much stronger.  I spent the morning cleaning up our bedroom.  It had been cluttered for months.  Around 11:30 AM, I called the midwives to let them know I was going to come in to get checked again, but I had to hurry to get there before their lunch break.  I was unable to find someone to take the kids right then so I decided I would take them with me.  Stephen, however, didn't like that plan.  Being in labor is kind of a big deal, but Stephen didn't seem to think so.  We were too late to make it before lunch. So, I just waited for Steve to come home and took my antibiotics.  Steve came home, Wendy picked Stephen up for preschool, and then Steve, Mi Na and I went to the midwife office.

The midwife who checked me has been delivering babies since 1981.  I often refer to her as "the wise woman."  I love her.  She said I was at 5+ cm and that I would be having this baby tonight.  I loved her even more after that.

So then we made arrangements for our kids.  Wendy would pick Stephen up from preschool and look after him.  We would leave Mi Na with Saige, and then she would pick Mei Li up from school.  Steve asked his sister, Christine, to drive in from West Virginia so she could stay with the kids overnight.

Steve dropped me off at the hospital, dropped Mi Na off at Saige's, and picked up a few things from home.  I loved all of the midwives and would have been happy to have any of them deliver my baby.  Paula was on call that day, along with the midwife intern, Shannon.  I probably saw them more than the others and they were very proactive when I was in the hospital the week before.  They did their best to get me out of there sooner rather than later.

After sitting on the hospital bed being monitored for a while, my contractions became much stronger, but I made little progress.  The midwives talked to me about breaking my water, which is something I didn't originally want.  But, I wasn't feeling very patient. I considered getting an epidural before they broke my water.  

Steve and I walked around for a while to talk about it.  I decided it was okay for them to break my water, but I wasn't going to get an epidural.  I knew what was ahead of me and I wasn't scared (yet).  I was actually more scared of needles.  I had had too many of those from the week before.  I'm grateful for modern medicine, but I want as little to do with it as possible.

After our walk, I was at 7 cm.  They broke my water and we walked around some more.  The contractions were painless for a while.  They asked us to come back in because the wireless monitors weren't working where we were walking.  So I walked around in the delivery room and when the contractions became so painful, I got in the tub for some pain relief.  I had never tried the tub before, but it was amazing how it lessened my pain by about 50 percent.  I stayed in there for a while and I handled each contraction pretty silently.  As the contractions worsened, I started to cry.

I got out of the tub to get checked again.  Still 7 cm, but much more effaced.  I labored the rest of the time on the hospital bed.  Steve rubbed my arm, which did nothing to lessen the pain, but it was still so comforting.  I could never go through labor without him.   I tried to relax and that helped, but there are just some contractions that are beyond relaxation techniques.  I remember telling Steve, "This sucks!"  "I NEVER want to do this again!"  Can you imagine what things might have flown out of my mouth if I wasn't Mormon?

I don't really remember the timing of everything, but after several of those excruciatingly painful contractions, I was ready to push.  I don't remember how long I pushed, but it was the worst.  "I can't do this!" I screamed.  Steve assured me that I could.  (Sound familiar?)  I thrashed around a bit, rebelling against the next contraction.  I felt out of control and so mad at the pain, but I pushed anyway.  After all, that was the only way out of this mess.  Just when the pain couldn't get any worse, the baby was out and the pain went away.  And everything was perfect.

The midwife placed her on my chest right away.  There she was, a full head of dark hair and chubby cheeks like Stephen, fresh from heaven.  Steve and I didn't really talk.  We just stared at her, listened to her cry, and basked in the newness of life, in that feeling of being so close to heaven.  There is nothing like it.  It is so amazing every single time.

After a while, Steve cut the cord and she was briefly whisked away to get cleaned up.

She weighed in at 7 lbs. 5 oz., measured 19 inches long.

I love this picture.  Her cheeks are amazing!

After she got cleaned up, I nursed her for the first time and she did great on her first try.  It's amazing how they come out knowing exactly what to do.  

Saige dropped the kids off at the hospital.  It was almost 10 PM.  Stephen said, "I want to see her!"  Mei Li said, "Aww, she's so cute!  The first thing that came out of Mi Na's mouth was "Can I touch it?"  She wanted to climb right on top of me to snatch her baby sister, but Steve gently put Mi Na next to me and unwrapped her feet so Mi Na could touch them.  Right away, Mi Na performed "this little piggy" on her baby sister's tiny toes.  My heart melted into a giant puddle of love.  

Mi Na hadn't napped, so she pretty quickly had a melt-down when we put limits on how much she could touch the baby.  Pictures would not happen that night.  Christine made it to our house so Steve just took the kids home, put them to bed, and came back to be with me.  It was such a luxury to have him there for the first night, so we could have some alone time with our new nameless baby girl.  Thank you for that, Christine.

Christine and the kids came by the next day to see the still nameless little baby.  Mi Na asked again, "Can I touch it?"  She was all over that baby, getting in her face and poking her eyes.  Mei Li held her baby sister for the first time.  Stephen was not super enthusiastic, but he seemed to like her well enough.  We took a few pictures and then Steve took the kids home.  She remained nameless through the rest of that day.

Family of six!

I stayed the extra night at the hospital as instructed, and in the morning, we had to finally choose a name.  There was a name that I loved this whole pregnancy, and we were pretty sure we would end up using it. Steve liked it enough and it had a special meaning.  Steve gave his okay on Friday morning to use that name, so I wrote it down on the birth certificate form.  I crossed it out a minute later.

As much as I loved that name, it wasn't her name.  I looked at her and looked at her.  She opened her eyes wide and they stayed open for an unusually long time.  It was during that time that her name came to me. "Li Ya."  It was a name that I had mentioned to Steve before, but never seriously considered.  It means beauty and grace.  When Steve came to pick me up, we discussed her name again. Steve loved it.  Never mind that I call her "Mi Na" at least three times a day.

I'm so grateful Li Ya came to us.  I'm so grateful to have such a kind and gentle man as my husband and father of my children. I'm so grateful that we have the power to create life!  I'm so grateful for my body's ability sustain this new life.   It's easy to get overwhelmed by all the responsibility that comes with having four children, but the Lord will help us. We can do this.  I dare say that we'll even be good at it.  Life is so beautiful.

A little trip to the tot lot.

Today's weather was dreamy.  We had a little bit of time between my trip to the doctor and Stephen's preschool, so we headed to the tot lot.  Stephen ran ahead and Mi Na said, "let's hold hands, mom."  So we did.

We didn't get to stay too long, but long enough to play "hide and seek."  Except, Stephen didn't really hide, he pretended to be a statue, hoping I wouldn't find him.

I love having kids who can dress themselves.  Stephen chooses his clothes everyday, and though I would love for him to wear more preppy clothes, I love that he knows what he likes (athletic shorts and graphic tees).

This boy is getting so big and handsome.  I love how he still has    chubby cheeks.

We got the results from Mi Na's x-rays yesterday, and it looks like we'll have to start taking her to a specialist.  Our experience yesterday was pretty hard for the both of us, but I am impressed with how well the staff prepared for her visit.  They were very kind and super patient.  Plus, Mi Na looked especially cute in her yellow hospital gown and blue socks.

At one point, I asked if they had a lollipop I could give her so she would stop screaming and relax a little.  They didn't have a lollipop, but they gave her a popsicle.  The nurse asked Mi Na, "Aren't popsicles the best?"  Mi Na replied, "My mom's the best." And then she snuggled close to me.  I loved that part.

This is my 33 week baby bump.  I'm not terribly uncomfortable yet, but I am definitely looking forward to having this baby.  I am so pathetic when I walk upstairs these days.  I am also hoping that some of my health issues will get resolved when I'm not pregnant anymore. But mostly, I just want to meet this baby!  Baby, what do you look like?  And what the heck is your name?

I'm so glad fall is here.  Steve is done with tax season now and we have lots of fun planned.  Just think, before fall ends, we'll have four kids around here!  Crazy! 

Mi Na

It's pretty early here, around 5:45.  I woke up at 4 and haven't been able to fall back asleep since.  My latest try to fall back asleep ended in tears.  I've been doing a lot of that lately.  I'm not sure if I have a reason to cry or not.  Is worrying alone a reason to cry?  

I'm worried about Mi Na.  The results from her kidney ultrasound were abnormal so she has to get another test done today.  Just the thought of her body not being completely healthy breaks my heart.  She is just the most delightful little girl.  If you know her, you know what I mean.

Mi Na loves to talk.  Saturday was the first day she had seen Steve in five days because of tax season.  She had so much to say to him.  Steve and I looked at each other a few times during her morning chatter, raised our eyebrows, and laughed at how she hadn't stopped talking for several minutes, mentioning "ballet" more than once.

I love how she dances around the house on her toes in a costume, pretending to be a ballerina.  She'll often say, "Mom, do this."  And then I get to look ridiculous with my big belly doing fake ballet.  When we take Mei Li to ballet, Mi Na likes to peek into one of the classes and do ballet on the side.  She wins a lot of smiles from the crowd in the waiting room.  

She speaks with a lisp, doesn't say her "L"s or her "R"s, and frankly, I don't care if she ever does.  Who needs "L" or "R" when "W" will take care of them both?  She still tells knock-knock jokes, and they're getting funnier.  She says a lot of funny things, though I can't remember any specifics at the moment.  Stephen and I always look at each other and then laugh at all the funny things she says.  

She used to say "kanks" or "kank you" when expressing gratitude, but that is slowly changing.  She used to call Stephen "thee-nen," but now he's "thee-ven."  Stephen and Mi Na play well together while Mei Li is at school.  It's sweet to watch.  And when Mei Li comes home, Mi Na hugs her big sis and sometimes says, "Mei Li, I missed you."  She is so sweet to all of us, and we all treasure and love her.

I think this test is going to be pretty unpleasant for her, so send some prayers and good wishes her way today.  Thanks.