Let me start out by saying that I do not love animals. They scare me. I understand that they do have a place in this world, but I don't want to touch them or be near them.
I took Stephen and Mei to a small zoo today. We went with Ali and Brighten and their kids. This is a very special zoo because the kids get to feed the animals! Hooray!
We bought some feed and milk bottles for the kids, but I think that my children have inherited my fear of animals. All Mei Li could do was sprinkle the feed in the pens, while her buddy Chloe got up close to the animals holding out her cup for them to stick their mouths in. That is a brave brave girl. I couldn't have done it.
A thunderstorm arrived so we took refuge in the barn, where we had the milk bottle incident. Mei Li was too scared to put the nipple of the bottle into the goat's mouth and again tried the sprinkling method. So I took over and stuck the nipple in the goat's mouth. The goat tugged at the bottle and then fear took over. The bottle landed in the pen.
Ali, the brave one's mother, asked me what happened and I claimed that the goat pulled the bottle out of my hand. The truth is, I probably let go of the bottle because I was scared. And THEN, Ali reached into the pen and retrieved the bottle! Can you believe that? Chloe gets her bravery from her mother.
Ali, the brave one's mother, asked me what happened and I claimed that the goat pulled the bottle out of my hand. The truth is, I probably let go of the bottle because I was scared. And THEN, Ali reached into the pen and retrieved the bottle! Can you believe that? Chloe gets her bravery from her mother.
After the barn, we went on the wagon ride safari. I was excited about being able to look at the animals at a distance. Like this:
Not like this:
The camel was in our wagon! What the heck? Is that allowed? Brighten sort of dared me to take a picture with the camel.
What is my problem? I'm freaking out and I'm still about two feet away from it. I do have a very real fear of animals. It's not the worst thing, but living in fear is not good. I'm sad to see that my kids are probably learning from my example to fear.
I thought more about the example I set for my children tonight after I put them to bed. It's the third night in a row that Steve hasn't been here for bed time. He will likely come home around 11 or 12 tonight. I'm not complaining, it's just the way it is and it's temporary.
I was short on patience after wrestling with them to get their pajamas on, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get them to kneel down reverently for prayer. I put Stephen down in our room first and then focused on getting Mei Li in bed.
I quickly read Mei Li a story and sang her a song and was ready to leave when she asked me for water. Ugh. I gave her some water and then was almost out the door when she told me that I needed to put a jacket away. The kids had pulled it out of their closet and thrown it in the crib. I didn't feel like hanging it up so I tossed it in the hallway. Mei Li got upset that I didn't hang it up, and then I got upset because I didn't want to hang it up and I wasn't going to let a three-year-old boss me around!
Finally, I relented and angrily hung up the jacket. Mei Li started crying because I was angry. Then I got angry at myself for getting angry. I walked over to Mei Li, put my head on her pillow and cried. I felt so bad for setting a poor example for her.
Mei Li asked through her tears, "Mama, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm so sorry for getting mad."
"It's okay, Mama. Are you tired?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want to take a nap with me?"
"Yeah." I climbed into her bed and we cuddled while crying.
Mei Li stroked my hair and said, "I just need you to calm down."
"Okay."
"I like your earrings."
"Thanks, Mei Li."
And we fell asleep.
When I woke up again, I got out of her bed and just watched her, stroked her hair, and kissed her cheek.
I don't ever want to get angry again, for me and for them. I don't want them to suffer from my anger and I don't want them to suffer from their own anger.
I don't want them to live in fear. I want them to be brave enough to do hard things and stand for truth even when it's so much cooler to stand for something other than truth.
How is it that I am to teach them how to do this when I myself am so flawed and do not always set a good example? Nobody is perfect, but there are many things that mothers should be that do not come naturally to me.
I suppose this is where the Savior comes in. If I do my best, repent, and do my best again, the Savior will make up what I lack. Beautiful mercy. I'm grateful for second and third and millionth chances, from my Savior and from my children and husband.
What is my problem? I'm freaking out and I'm still about two feet away from it. I do have a very real fear of animals. It's not the worst thing, but living in fear is not good. I'm sad to see that my kids are probably learning from my example to fear.
I thought more about the example I set for my children tonight after I put them to bed. It's the third night in a row that Steve hasn't been here for bed time. He will likely come home around 11 or 12 tonight. I'm not complaining, it's just the way it is and it's temporary.
I was short on patience after wrestling with them to get their pajamas on, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get them to kneel down reverently for prayer. I put Stephen down in our room first and then focused on getting Mei Li in bed.
I quickly read Mei Li a story and sang her a song and was ready to leave when she asked me for water. Ugh. I gave her some water and then was almost out the door when she told me that I needed to put a jacket away. The kids had pulled it out of their closet and thrown it in the crib. I didn't feel like hanging it up so I tossed it in the hallway. Mei Li got upset that I didn't hang it up, and then I got upset because I didn't want to hang it up and I wasn't going to let a three-year-old boss me around!
Finally, I relented and angrily hung up the jacket. Mei Li started crying because I was angry. Then I got angry at myself for getting angry. I walked over to Mei Li, put my head on her pillow and cried. I felt so bad for setting a poor example for her.
Mei Li asked through her tears, "Mama, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm so sorry for getting mad."
"It's okay, Mama. Are you tired?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want to take a nap with me?"
"Yeah." I climbed into her bed and we cuddled while crying.
Mei Li stroked my hair and said, "I just need you to calm down."
"Okay."
"I like your earrings."
"Thanks, Mei Li."
And we fell asleep.
When I woke up again, I got out of her bed and just watched her, stroked her hair, and kissed her cheek.
I don't ever want to get angry again, for me and for them. I don't want them to suffer from my anger and I don't want them to suffer from their own anger.
I don't want them to live in fear. I want them to be brave enough to do hard things and stand for truth even when it's so much cooler to stand for something other than truth.
How is it that I am to teach them how to do this when I myself am so flawed and do not always set a good example? Nobody is perfect, but there are many things that mothers should be that do not come naturally to me.
I suppose this is where the Savior comes in. If I do my best, repent, and do my best again, the Savior will make up what I lack. Beautiful mercy. I'm grateful for second and third and millionth chances, from my Savior and from my children and husband.
